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Bubble Gums



” Mom you’re a weirdo!” If I had a dollar for every time my children said that to me I’d be rich! My Ex has called me that so many times since we were teenagers. And I have to remind him that he likes “weirdos”. So as long as I’ve been labeled a  weirdo…why am I so disappointed that I have been waiting for months in anticipation to attend this conference coming up next week.

And so when I sent an email to the contact person to register I received a number to call to register. Now mind, you as I looked deeply at the flyer on the text-there was something peculiar about the flyer-something that reeked of ” weirdo!’. Nevertheless, I continued to move forward.

Now some time or another I missed a phone call from the organization so I called the number back from my voicemail messages and as I was leaving a message a new call was coming in. I clicked over and placed my voicemail response on hold because no one picked up the phone when I returned the organization’s call… only to click over and Stoney- let’s call him was on the line.

As we spoke- his voice began to slightly annoy me, he sounded like a serial killer…you know like on Silence of the Lambs when he says

And as much as I wanted to sound upbeat and personal I began to make this scene in my head a comedy! As I looked closer, to the name of the organization I had a flash back to my initial contact with this organization and its clientage. And in that moment, I became deeply disappointed that I had been waiting in anticipation for the day of the event to come. Only to realize I would be spending the day with a bunch of ” weirdos!”

I could hear my Yeye in my head saying, ” You got a lot of nerves!” What?- I thought, I’m not that kind of weirdo, hell I didn’t except that I was a ” weirdo” at all. These folks went beyond ” weirdo” they were more like ” creepy”

So that’s it…. you can still be cool and weird? But ” creepy”….there is nothing cool about “creepy”. So what got me out of my funky mood? The comment I left on Marie Forleo’s newest post about negative thoughts. You can’t stay mad or disappointed at Velcro…its way too tacky and weird. Reminiscing, on my first pair of Bubble Gums with Velcro closings almost had me peeing on myself!

For those of you who know what Bubble Gums are you know they are LMAO funny!

Omg, I was on Urban Dictionary and the latest terms for Bubble Gums are eye-opening! The definition I’m referring to is #13

Where is Psalm?




For months I had noticed Psalm’s absence. I noticed that I had not heard from her and I thought it was strange. I had gone into an unexpected cocoon. I found out yesterday that she had died at the beginning of Spring only a month after we had spent a blissful afternoon during one of her intimate workshop’s. She was powerful and beautiful!

Yesterday, as I watched the ” Creepshow” aka the news explaining that Vincent was found murdered in his own home my brain finally connected and I realized Vincent was connected to my life-all I could think about was how we were supposed to have lunch together but never did. And who would want to kill Vincent? Thinking about Vincent… the voice that I had ignored for months became louder! ” Where is Psalm?” I was shocked to learn that she had committed suicide.

I wondered how I missed this, not just not knowing the passing of her death because I wouldn’t  know because I became too present in my my own life to be engaged in anyone elses’. Not to mention, the day before her death and on her death my father and I had unearthed what I had buried deep inside myself… after what felt like…pulling a ski-mask off a robber. I pretended that I only saw the face that he presented to the world.

And once his identity had been revealed I went into hidng because for once in my life I was going to rest and allow myself to be taken care of.  As a result, I spent over 64 days in seclusion and although I had been raised in the same house as my father the explosion that ensued after I had unmasked him unnerved him to the point of ultimate control and dominance! Except this time I felt compelled to hold his feet to the fire!

It had been too long that he had been enabled to be indulged and neglected at the same time which resulted in him not being able to feel anything for anybody else other than himself and like a bad ass kid I had found it time that he had to stand in front of the ultimate man and  answer for all his bullying. The idea that escaping marriage but draining women meant he could just simply walk away without having to answer to anyone….except I was born a female….a woman who carried his last name….a woman with power.


” Do you understand that I carry your last name? Do you understand that I have legal rights to you? Did you think that you escaped having to answer or be benevolent to anyone other than yourself?”

And as I said, these things, he looked as if he saw a ghost. In that moment, we had swapped positions and I spoke to him as he had always spoken to me- as if I were his property- as if he owned me- making me never wanting to be owned. And as the shift in power happened, I could see the fear in his eyes.  I knew he was devastated and helpless because his actions were all defensive because he ultimately felt powerless and feared the power of women.

I had never wanted to treat my father as a man….I always wanted to treat him as a God even though he feared the Goddess is me! My father is my greatest teacher! And being my greatest teacher meant he had to learn that I could not or would not be possessed or own by No Man because it was always my birth right to be free.

The fear that we have to hold someone captive to love is completely insane. Give me room to come and go as I please and I promise you that I will forever return to you without being gone too long that your heart begins to ache.

So, how could I have seen Psalm’s death coming or the moment it came. I was expecting to see her  again to build with her. I have no idea why so many wild, free spirited women lose the desire to live or go on- as if- they finally succumb from what feels like slave catchers always on your heels to bring you back to slavery and being unwilling to return… they rejoin the spirit world.

In loving memory to Jill, Tee, Evangeline and Psalm.

Jell Bridges can get it!


Image result for Jeff Bridges Against All Odds


I want to say that before I can even start to discuss all of the twists and turns and ultimate shenanigans that are my life. I must start with one of my recent grounding experiences. Ok, so if you read enough of my posts you know that I love Pasty Cline and Jessica Lange.

Now I am not sure when I fell in love with Jeff Bridges but what I will say is he comes from some dawn good genes. He’s got a beautiful head of hair. Please do not kill my vibe by trying to say, it’s fake! Anyway, he has been married for 40 years to the same woman. The man’s got great genes and staying power!

Again, I cannot recall when I fell in love with him on-screen because he has had so many great performances. With that in mind, I went to go see his new movie ” The only living boy in New York ” and it was worth the dawn near $20 it cost me to see the movie and that did not include popcorn or the parking fee. Oh dawn, I am not supposed to complain about how much money I spend on anything because it’s a taboo.

Speaking, of taboo, the movie was filled with them and each one excited me more than the other. I must digress for a moment, because I almost let one of these critics ruin my date with myself and the delight my eyes danced to as I watched the movie. Apparently, the critic was not a grown ass adult. Nevertheless, I only read the headline and kept it pushin’.

The movie is in limited theatres so I had to go all the way to Hollywood to see the dawn thing. Somehow, with less than 40 minutes to spare I managed to get to Hollywood on time ( the traffic Gods must have been watching).

I will not give away the movie. I will say again- that this movie is for grown ass folks. So please treat yourself to Jeff Bridges’ new movie, ” The only living boy in New York”. Jeff Bridges has aged like fine wine….he is a super supreme ” Cat Daddy” and he can get it….no disrespect to his wife!


Be back soon

I have been on some pretty wild adventures since the end of March. Most of them unbelievable, however I must admit that is the rhythm of my life where wild things are constantly happening.

There are seldom and rarely dull moments in my life. That being said, while things have come down to a slower pace I will be bringing you up to speed in the coming weeks.

And as I write this post I think of the word resilience and an old song comes to mind from someone I had not thought about in years and when I think of her I think of what it means to have grace under fire!

They tried to dog and humiliate My girl when she became Ms. America!

Hook-ups gone wild!

Hook-ups gone wild and or wrong seems to be the theme for many women who are sexually active. I myself struggled for many years preferring sex over intimacy.  Because I had a fear of commitment that was rooted in childhood. As a result of being treated as property or as if I were an object – along with various other events in my life- made me want to always have men at a distance. It was terrible that I wanted to run…that panic would set in after spending 2 days with a man and I literally would want to jump out of my skin.

Even if I  was madly in love with my a man- I still couldn’t quail the anxiety I would feel when he wanted to be close and affectionate towards me on a deep level. Who knew my brain was being high-jacked? My brain and body felt men were unsafe and they both had good reason to believe so. With this in mind, I have a book recommendation that I feel needs to read by any woman who struggles to allow men to be close to her, although she will have sex with them.

Read, “Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy” Why women settle for one-sided relationships, by Jill P. Weber


Can you fuck your way to having?

Denumbing the vagina-Kim Anami

Crystal Vibrators

Assume you can ask for anything

Assume you can ask for anything_ L Babcock & S Laschever


Let’s do an experiment, start asking for things you would never normally ask for things from the smallest to the most audacious. Do it for a minimum of 21 days and record your findings.


The 1st step toward having!


“Women (…) have been encouraged since they were children to be dependent to an unhealthy degree. Any woman who looks within knows that she was never trained to be comfortable with the idea of taking care of herself, standing up for herself, asserting herself. At best she may have played the game of independence, inwardly envying the boys (and later the men) because they seemed so naturally self-sufficient.

It is not nature that bestows this self-sufficiency on men; it’s training. Males are educated for independence from the day they are born. Just as systematically, women are taught that they have an out – that someday, in some way, they are going to be saved. That is the fairy tale, the life-message (…) We may venture out on our own for a while. We may go away to school, work, travel; we may even make good money, but underneath it all there is a finite quality to our feelings about independence. Only hang on long enough, the childhood story goes, and someday someone will come along to rescue you from the anxiety of authentic living. (The only savior the boy learns about is himself.)”
Colette Dowling, The Cinderella Complex: Women’s Hidden Fear of Independence




Why are women so fearful? The answer to that question lies at the root of The Cinderella Complex. (…) Many women achieve a certain amount of success in their careers and professions and still remain inwardly insecure. In fact (…), it’s remarkable how many women these days retain a hidden core of self doubt while performing on the outside as if they were towers of confidence. (…)
Lack of confidence seems to follow us from childhood (…) No matter how fiercely we try to live like adults – flexible, powerful and free – that girl-child hangs on (…). The effects of such insecurity are widespread, and they result in a disturbing social phenomenon: women in general tend to function well below the level of their native abilities. For reasons that are both cultural and psychological – a system that doesn’t really expect a great deal from us, in combination with our own personal fears of standing up and facing the world – women are keeping themselves down.
Colette Dowling, The Cinderella Complex: Women’s Hidden Fear of Independence


How bitches are made!

Image result for how bitches are made


Last week -I discussed, the difference between having and wanting. Today, I am going to talk about ” going without” and “doing without”. According to, the horse whisper of men Alison Armstrong -women are socialized and in some cases are biologically wired to put up with things that are not working for them.  And will sacrifice themselves and give up and go without, hoping that in the end they will get a commitment or receive the outcome they desired!

Now I want you to really think about that for a moment. We give up what we need and want in the moment for a future return with no guarantees of a return. How much energy do we expend in this kind of behavior? If as women, we are forgoing ” having” what we need and desires- what effect does that have on you as a person? Now add the amount of time you’ve ” gone without” and ” done without”-how has that effected you?

Sit with this for a minute until you get some answers and see if you come to the same conclusion I came to……..” This some Bullshit!”


Fuck wanting! How do we get to having!!

I have not been writing on my blog for weeks now. Because something has unearthed me and vexed my spirit to the point that I have been all in my head. As a result, I have been in  deep curiosity as to how I got on this journey of wanting people to have what they want.

Ok,  lets talk about wanting…..from all of the experts and spiritual guru past and present it appears that wanting is going to keep you in want and not having.  According to Google search want means:


  1. Have a desire to possess or do ( something); wish for
  2. (Archaic)  Lack or be short of something desirable or essential


  1. ( Archaic) A lack or deficiency of something
  2. A desire for something

When the sages speak to not standing in wanting , if you look at the definitions, the definition that is most appropriate would be the so-called archaic definition. Considering, the sages all agree when you stand in wanting or lament in wanting then you stay wanting.

Now, one of the reasons I love looking up the meaning of words is because words are powerful. According to, some wise person; ” Everything that comes out of your mouth is a prayer”. And the one thing; I caution people with- is playing in the spirit world  without the proper guidance or knowledge and so many of us including myself have been using words not knowing their true meaning or origin.




Consequently, when we say ” I want a new house” ” We want a new house” what we are really saying is; ” I lack a new house” now multiply that times how many times you think and say, ” I want a new house”- which actually translates to “I lack a new house”. Yep chew on that for a minute!

So what is the difference from wanting and having?  Let’s take a look at the word “have “closer. ( If you clicked the word having you were brought to a link that gave the etymology of the word) Google defines, have as follows:


  1. possess, own, or hold
  2. experience; undergo
  3. (my favorite) used with a past participle to form the perfect pluperfect and future past tenses and the conditional mood. Esp, I have finished

Noun Informal

  1. people with plenty of money and possessions

Since my brain has been overloaded with experiences and constant thoughts I’m going to leave you with this and I will be back to add-on. I need a brain break to clearly explain where I’m going from here. Peace and Blessings. Be well on your road to having!