How to prevent a panic attack?

I have been in a slight panic for a couple of weeks….so much so that I have wanted to have a break down not a nervous breakdown but that oh shit what am I going to do….how am I going to make it through the next month type of break down, yet I have been able to fully have one because, in all honesty, there really is no need to.

I feel alone and scared because I do not feel as if I have anyone else to depend on other than myself and since I am the constant Motivator, who motivates the Motivator? I think about if I were to die today, right now, I would not make it into heaven because my heart is not as light as a feather. In my culture when you pass away you heart is placed on a scale along side another scale where a feather is placed on it and if your heart weighs less than a feather than you are permitted into heaven.

Today, I would be ” shit out of luck!”, as my Yeye says, if I died. It seems pretty simple and easy but truthfully speaking, how do you unload your heart of all the burdens it feels and at this moment it feels heavier than an elephant. Lighten up, relax, let go, let go and let God, easy breezy, don’t panic, don’t worry, everything is going to be ok, everything happens for a reason, God doesn’t put more on you than you can handle, pele pele, breathe, stay calm, calm down, take a deep breath, inhale, exhale, close your eyes.

So I close my eyes and take a deep breath knowing that I am not alone because there is always someone with me although I might not be able to see them with my naked eye and at times like this I wish so badly I could see my guardian angels just for reassurance. There are times that no matter how old you get, you feel like the first time you let your mother’s hand go on the first day of school and the panic that you might never see her again, clinches your heart that you begin to cry, until she reassures you she is coming back and she does.

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