Monthly archives "July 2014"

What to do with a cheap bastard?

Close up portrait of young woman wearing diamond signet ring

My car locked me out of it the other night because my door lock pump had broken, this happened at 11:30 pm , mind you. I prayed to the car……please let me in, once I got in , the car would not start because it believed I was trying to steal the car, so another prayer….I need you to start I have no one to call and rescue me, not the whole truth, I had AAA, but I refused to give up my independence. And so after, that second prayer/mandate, the car allowed me to start it and I drove home.

The next day, I went to get gas, mind you, I was on E, after paying for gas I went to pump it, and wouldn’t you know it my gas take wouldn’t open because remember my car thinks it’s locked. I almost panicked and then, I remembered AAA but again I didn’t want to call them, so I looked at the time and called Nick my mechanic……thank God, I had decided to get gas before 5pm…..anyway, Nick gave me instructions to go through the trunk to get the gas cap open, it worked, yippie, I wouldn’t have to explain the unexplainable to a stranger.

So this morning, I went to see Nick my mechanic and when I got out of the car, he gave me the most beautiful smile and I felt loved because it he was happy to see. After, the diagnosis a whooping $800 total to replace the pump, a remote and another key. That old cheap bitch that has been running my life said, it’s not worth it and then I had to silence her and remind my real self that I loved my car and it was worth it. I am going to get it fixed soon. My Mercedes has taught me one of the most valuable lessons…….I’m Worth It. My older model Mercedes is an investment and I love the car not because of the name, I love it, because, if you take care of it, it takes care of you and how can you cringe and be stingy when it comes to caring for yourself.

What do you do when guilt starts settling in before or after you make a purchase for yourself? Leave a comment below.

Who are the real defenders of domestic violence?

Solar Prominence Breaking Away

June 25, 2014 through July 25, 2014 has been filled with drama, sadness, grief and despair, I take that back since a few weeks after I came back from my trip in May, I have been plagued by grief, grief from a love affair that never blossomed because of haters, and the pheromones that I came back with that have attracted the most bazar scenarios with men that has left me feeling as if I’m giving off a scent that makes me feel like I’m the character Jaguar in that movie about the Indians with the subtitles….running for his life through the Amazon jungle….trying to escape his captors.

Tee died on June 25, 2014 out of nowhere, she had been battling the stigma of an ensuing nasty divorce and as if she were somehow plagued with a disease she had been totally abandoned by her family and had secretly contemplated going back to her extremely abusive husband because she could not get the support she needed, I had lost touch with Tee during some of her most happiest years of her life and while I do not feel like I had missed out I was so proud of her for having done what people never thought she could do. When she got wind of all the hell that I had been through and endured she called me and I could so relate to her pain of isolation, feeling less than and abandoned, it was like some silent agreement that we had violated some code for not wanting to be abused and mistreated by our husbands and instead of the women in our lives encircling us and protecting us, they began to abuse us, leaving us feeling as if we had done something wrong, and the secret conversations and alignment with our ex’s by our families began to clearly, illustrate the scene in The Color Purple when Celie told Harpo to, “BEAT HER!” That being, the fiesta fiercely independent wild and free-spirited Sophia.

And so I have sat for a month in complete limbo because Tee was alive at 5:30pm after being dropped off and found dead around 7:45 pm, when she had just phoned David to bring some food home just before 7:00 pm. I watched the coroner carry Tee’s body out of her apartment and knew even in her death she would not be honored for the wild, beautiful, self-less, self- expressive, sexy, never one to bite her tongue, sweet as honey, multi-dimensional, hustling, educated, mother, daughter, sister, wife and friend she was. I do not know if I have ever had as much fun with one person as I had with Tee, I’m talking Thelma and Louise kind of fun.

How do you get the support you need when your biological family cannot or are not willing to help you in a crisis. Leave a comment below giving tips. Dealing with loss and grief visit: