No Wahala

Where are you getting your relationship advice from? I am inclined to believe much of the advice women are getting about marriage and relationship is driving them insane. Single women would always tell me that I was lucky that I was married because I had been CHOSEN. My husband being the standardized prize, the changing of my last name being the ultimate possession so many of them coveted and the indoctrination or rather my unsuccessful hypnosis that I should be so grateful and thankful for being CHOSEN, when truth be told; I never wanted to get married.

I openly expressed my reluctance to get married to my then husband when he insisted we get married. I bargained that we should live in a duplex, him living in one part and I living in the other but he insisted that wasn’t a marriage. I resolved it could be the our marriage, however, he was not having any parts of my terms of agreement. I don’t believe you have to live in the same house with your husband in order to have a happy and successful marriage. Hell, ” we go together forever”, we got to live together to?

I had spent most of my life with him already and I didn’t see the point. He wanted me off the market for good and he demanded that if I loved him I would marry him. I loved him deeply-I acquiesced. We were married and I devoted myself to him and my children, however after spending decades with my husband I felt like a trapped animal.

Love did not did not dilute my marriage, I have never loved a man in complete abandon the way I loved my husband, we had grown up together into adulthood but as time went on I changed and my changing became a deal breaker to our relationship, ultimately the boy I knew and had grown up with needed somebody who hadn’t witnessed his past.

Without a doubt we still love one another, however, love is not enough. Getting married as a form of validation and self-worth is one of the worst reasons to get married. There are misguided myths and misconceptions when it comes to being a wife. Waiting to be chosen is the worst mistake anyone can make is feeling as if your life is incomplete if you are not a wife. As women we are taught to devalue relationships that do not end in marriage.

I am single and if I do not know anything else I know how to get and keep a man. Right now I am interested in keeping myself.  It is time for us to start redefining the terms and framework for the institution of marriage. And in keeping myself I am going to dance around the house half-naked to these fine Nigerian boys!

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