Monthly archives "October 2015"

Home Depot-A remedy for self-soothing?


1979, Los Angeles, California, USA --- Joanne Siegel, the inspiration for comic book character Lois Lane with her husband Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. Siegel and Shuster were the creators of Superman. --- Image by © Steve Schapiro/Corbis

After 2 weeks of what can only be labeled a freakish nightmare and real live horror movie – we decided to make some changes in our home. A decision was made to paint the bedrooms, new furniture was coming once a week and I’m certain the neighbors must have assumed we’d hit it big, nope, there was a catalyst for change and they shall remain nameless.

Martin the painter provided a list of things for one of my family members to get. Needless, to say I noticed some very important items missing and I took a mental note. Now I’ve learned my lesson so when I start to see the picture unfolding, I start to ask questions because blurting out the entire scenario creates much too much opposition and by asking questions I soothe myself and it prepares me for the unwanted and unneeded adventure that is going to ensue because people refuse to heed the warnings and or directions. I’m reminded, as my Baba so eloquently puts it, ” Seems I just aint happy unless my balls is in a vice grip!” It appears everyone loves their genitalia in a vice grip……

Mind you, Martin was a no show the first week he was set to start the job. The night before Martin finally shows up my family member says, ” Martin is coming tomorrow, will you be home to let him in?” I responded, ” Sure, but is there anything we need to do, move some furniture, do we need to protect the new furniture we bought, it seems like he needs some participation from us?” My family member responds, ” He is a professional, blah, blah, blah!” (Seems I hit a nerve)  My response was, ” So you don’t want to give him a call to be certain?” Again my loved one responded, ” He’s a professional, I shouldn’t have to tell him what to do!” I said, “Ok!….knowing full well what was up ahead but I kept it to myself.

Martin decided to sashay his ass in, you guessed it, professionally unprepared! He begins by looking around the rooms and  starts to move light weight furniture. Martin walks like that dance move John Travolta does in Dance Fever when he circles his hands around each other except he moves much slower. I ask him, ” Do we need to move the furniture?” He says,  “Yes, I’ve got to move the furniture from the walls?”

In my mind, I’m like you don’t say and how do you think we are going to do this because I know you don’t think I’m going to be Sheera and move these heavy big ass beds and you aint got no young and virile back ya dam self, Martin. As, I’m in my head, he starts describing something that helps you move furniture with ease. So I say, ” Where you git them out?” He says, ” Home Depot.”  In my head,  I say to him you mean the same Home Depot we got the rest of the shit from. In my head I hear my Yeye say, ” Niggas and flies!”

So off, I go to Home Depot just in time for everybodyandtheymama to just be getting off work and do you think Oh, Marty Mar showed up with something to cover and protect the furniture…..I’m gon let you answer that. I’ve decided to be a witness, a slightly irritated  witness cause you caint tell people shit but my goal is to learn to be an amused witness like Ms. Celia in the movie the Color Purple when Mr. takes to the kitchen and tries to cook a meal for Shug Avery. I need to learn how to sit with my hands rested on my high cheek bones with a big Oh grin on my face as I wait for the explosion and for shit to hit the fan or the wall.

To be continued………………..

A hard head makes a soft ass


A hard head makes a soft ass! American- African proverb

19 Jul 1938, Hollywood, Los Angeles, California, USA --- Original caption: When a Film Player "Blows Up" Before Camera. Hollywood, California: Sometimes a film player makes a scene in front of the camera not exactly called for the script. Labeled "blow ups" these scenes usually occur after the player has "muffed" a line -- that is, said the wrong thing at the wrong time. Exasperated, the player may grimace, snap his fingers, or go into tantrums. Photo shows Lola Lane, Warner Bros. player, muffs a line and is pictured catching her breath after the shock of realizing that she ruined a scene. --- Image by © Bettmann/CORBIS

I am a visionary. It’s both a gift and a curse. The gift and the curse part is I can see the entire picture, from start to finish. I am able to clearly visualize all the problems and solutions that will arise from the beginning of the journey until the end. However, my biggest problem and frustration is getting other people to see and understand what I see.

I can walk into a room and let’s say there are 7 people working on finding a solution to a problem. More likely than not, they have been trying to figure things out for months or longer. Keep in mind, I can walk in and almost immediately see the entire picture tell them what’s wrong, all the possible solutions, the pathways to get there and ways to mitigate and avoid risks and dangers along the way . You would think it would be met with applause and gratitude but initially its met with resentment because most times people have been waiting on a pathway to a solution and my presentation of the information comes out of my mouth so matter of fact and quickly. More importantly, everything I say is going to happen-happens.

My visionary gifts or skills have been mislabeled as being bossy. As a result, I’ve given up how people respond to the information and I step aside and when things come to pass I try not to say, ” I told you so!” I’ve come to the conclusion I am not bossy-I’m Impatient! Because I have the gift of sight and can see clear pathways it makes me want to move, to get shit done and over with-problem is I’m taking other people along with me and Opposition and Resistance takes over.

The profound shock and awe that I am met with after things come to pass from the very folks in opposition and resistance is enough to make me hawk spit. I think if only they would listen, we could avoid all the shenanigans, get things done and have our desired results, oh but no, we must need to encounter all necessary bullshit from start to finish that the journey takes much longer to complete.

I would often grow angry and feel ignored and feel even more resentment when people would come to me and tell me I was right, REALLY, I would think with a turned up lip and the side eye. Over time, I began to realize that I did not have the language to help people see the vision. I learned through time that I was the one with the vision and it was merely my responsibility to give the message, now rather they listened or not was not on me!

I often think of ancient stories and holy leaders trying to get people to listen to get people out of all their bad circumstances. I could not have ever been holy or a God because I would envision handling people’s obstinacy to  the way Nigerians in Lagos, handle people who cause accidents. (talk about mastering the pimp hand slap with the speed and accuracy of a master chef slicing abilities that it could be labeled an art form)

It brings to mind the story of Moses and the Exodus and had I been Moses I would have left folks wandering in the wilderness with all their moaning, bitching and complaining, opposition and resistance. I would have told God,  ” I’m done, you gon have to send somebody else to lead them, they just to dam hard-headed for me!” Alhammad Lillah, I no longer get angry when people refuse to heed the warnings or the directions.