Losing my hairy balls

 

I remember my ex-husband looking at me with deep dispair, hurt and curosity in his eyes when he asked what happened to the sweet 16 year old girl he knew. I recollect saying something along the lines that bitch is dead!  I knew he understood that he played a major part in the new me. We got married at age 28, we had done everything ass hole backwards since we had met at 14 and 15.

I was all business and no matter how much I deeply loved him, having been abondoned by him so many times in the past left with our daughter/daughters to raise while he found his way into manhood, I unfortunately did not have the luxury to make a myrid of mistakes in hopes of finding myself nor was I ever going to permitted to take the road less traveled because it was simply forbidden and taking a crack break to receive help just didnt seem worth it.

I wanted to be sweet but I was scared, I had reluctantly drank the kool-aid that as a black woman I did not need nor did I deserve a break and so I wore the worn and tactored cloak of the black strong woman who would endure and find my glory in the after life but death comes too slow when you’re exhausted and at the tipping point.

If feminity is based on being vulnerable and receptive than many of us have a long way to go! For the past several years I have made a mindful decision to cut my hairy balls off, that turn into wrecking balls. And as mindful, as I am in being actively deeply engaged in this process there are still so many circumstances that they are needed and come in handy because I need to protect and defend myself and until there is a Rent a Nigga Agency where I can go and rent me a Niggod 6 foot 5 weighing 325 pounds to stand in as my husband to take down to the office where some black dude thought that he could TRY and take advantage of me cuz y’all know certain types of black chicks should be so desparate as if we are little red riding hood!

So as I learn how to become a horse whisperer there will be certain times my hairy ass balls will descend because as my sweet love says, ” You got to keep the wolves off you!”

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