Monthly archives "December 2016"

I am not standing in line to spend time with anybody!

 

 

I have an extremely busy Man Friend named Jay who is a Director and Producer in Hollywood; whose schedule is mad crazy and busy. He is constantly traveling all over the nation and world for business and pleasure. Although he is very busy, at some point and time I let him know that it was important to me that he make time for our relationship. I was patient in the beginning of our friendship when he allowed his schedule to dictate rather or not we spent time together.

 

I told him at some point I understood his hectic schedule, however if we were going to continue to be friends then we would have to work something out amongst ourselves that fully met the needs of us both.And so we started scheduling dates and times when we would have conversations. Depending on how long it had been since we had spoken on the phone our conversations would be scheduled for 30 minutes to an hour.

 

At first it seemed odd to schedule a date and time to dialogue with a friend, however after time, it became easy and I looked forward to talking to him. In between our scheduled talks we began setting face to face dates in advance. Opening up may calendar and blocking off time with Jay began to make me feel special and our time together is always fun and relaxing even though we are not in a romantic relationship.

 

When I made the declaration that I wanted to have a give and take relationship and that him being present was a requirement in order for our friendship to blossom.  I let him know that I needed to talk to him and spend time with him and while I understood his schedule was busy……I refused to accept it as an excuse as to why we could not talk and spend time together. Once I made the declaration, he asked me to get my calendar out and we planned our first scheduled conversation and our first scheduled lunch date where I agreed to have lunch with him at his desk and from there things have taken off!

 

Again planning a telephone conversation seems odd at first however over time it becomes fun and relaxing, it gives us time to miss each other so when we do talk it’s effortless. And when we schedule face to face meetings each time we see each it’s always at a new and different location and we reveal more and more of ourselves because it feels safe! ” You either have results or excuses!”, says Veronica Conway. And she is correct! Ask for what you want and need in any relationship be it romantic, friendship or family. And if a date, time and place are not set rather it is made in the future or the spot than you run the risk of not getting what you want or need.

 

I am not waiting in line to spend time with anybody….I don’t give a fuck who they are….. mama, daddy, brother, sister, cousin, friend or lover….. From time to time I like to share the pick up artist  and Iceberg Slim chicanery because dudes be winning! So why settle on waiting and losing, when you can write your own rules!

 

 

Declarations & Jill Scott’s songs in action

 

 

” I miss you, I miss what we used to do together and you need to do something about it!” My friend and I chuckled over this declaration from her once long-time turned twice a year lover.

We were tickled because he had grown leaps and bounds in being able to express any vulnerable feeling. So although, he had miles to go his declaration had shown growth however, he still wanted her to do most of the work in the relationship.

It seems during their conversation that he finally had a moment of awareness. He suddenly became aware that their relationship had changed drastically and that she was no longer engaged to the level she once was. Primarily because he didn’t respond well to love and after being hurt and over worked and him refusing to listen or to take accountability or be impeccable in practice-she became one of Jill Scott’s songs in action.

 

I give my good girlfriend credit because never did she put any demands on him, she genuinely loved him unconditionally however over time she tried to extinguish some bad behaviors and after being unwilling (as my soul sister Veronica Conway and I live by)  to design to create solutions that fully meet the needs of everyone in the relationship leaves you no other choice but to change the rules of engagement!

My friend- made a declaration, definitively asked for what she wanted from him and left the relationship because her wisdom and prudence knew she would never get what she wanted if she was willing to accept less than what she required and needed. She slowly and gradually ended contact with her lover so that she would not trigger his abandonment issues.

In conclusion, what Ms. Ballard said rings true, ” What you don’t like today you will love tomorrow!”

 

 

Make a declaration and get some business

 

 

I wasn’t able to write my usual post yesterday because I was so exhausted that I slept from the late afternoon throughout the entire night and I woke up early this morning, hoping that the person who had stolen all of my energy the day before would heed my requests.

As a woman of a certain age, I have grown in many ways and I generally like to stay on the side of diplomacy and since I’ve learned over time that I did not necessarily attach to my primary caregiver, it gave me strength in being perceptive.

Because I have never really been a child even during my chronological childhood ages I can easily see and understand things from other people’s perspective even if I do not agree with them.

Nevertheless, I allowed my perception of what and who I knew I was dealing with to continually give someone passes for their behavior because I felt they were young and I  knew they were immature.

So after drawing a line and the person crossing it and successfully pushing my buttons, making my pressure rise. I had to disengage because I did not want my behavior to escalate and I did not want to begin to behavior the way- they had grown accustomed to their mother acting. Subsequently, I had to regain my composure because after all I had drawn a line in the sand!

And once I draw a line in the sand and you cross it, it’s consequence time. Now early in life after giving a male the benefit of the doubt and a number of passes of human behavior I would have to put my foot down and make a declaration.

See once you set the stage to being loving kind and supportive towards a male (or a human being) he gets accustomed to it even if he cannot appreciate it at first. And once they start popping their collars on your ass too much you drop the declaration statement on their ass with new standards and requirements and you tell them do not return until you have accomplished everything.

Now hear me clearly they may try to come back before meeting all the requirements and you must say, “good job but you have not met all the requirements so do not return until you do”. And do not talk to their ass again until they have met the standard. Until then get you some business, get you a new starter and or a starting line up and put them in heavy rotation, enjoy your life and have fun.

Now it may take some time for them to meet the requirements however I have not met a man who has not come back with the required results. Although, if times have changed I may not be available- however there is nothing to fret because all of the requirements met will result in character development.

 

Stand up in it!

 

 

Put people and shit where they go-Me

I can’t stand good lying muthafuckas. Once you get grown grown your tolerance for bullshit wanes. Let me stop bullshitting I ain’t never really been able to tolerate or stomach bullshit cause you can’t never solve shit if muthafuckas lying.

Now I said, all that to say the best way to get more pussy and quality pussy at that is to tell the fucking truth. Grown ass men lying and telling females what they want to hear in order to get pussy is egregious!

Ain’t nothing sexier and more confident than a man who can put shit where it goes tell you what time it is and still be able to treat you right. Ain’t nothing worse than a nigga whose always out to get “Sympathy Pussy!”

Ain’t nothing better than when a Man can stand up in it! So tell the truth and who ever caint handle it …….will make room for those who can!