oyomike8

Published: 159 articles

How to prevent a panic attack?

I have been in a slight panic for a couple of weeks….so much so that I have wanted to have a break down not a nervous breakdown but that oh shit what am I going to do….how am I going to make it through the next month type of break down, yet I have been able to fully have one because, in all honesty, there really is no need to.

I feel alone and scared because I do not feel as if I have anyone else to depend on other than myself and since I am the constant Motivator, who motivates the Motivator? I think about if I were to die today, right now, I would not make it into heaven because my heart is not as light as a feather. In my culture when you pass away you heart is placed on a scale along side another scale where a feather is placed on it and if your heart weighs less than a feather than you are permitted into heaven.

Today, I would be ” shit out of luck!”, as my Yeye says, if I died. It seems pretty simple and easy but truthfully speaking, how do you unload your heart of all the burdens it feels and at this moment it feels heavier than an elephant. Lighten up, relax, let go, let go and let God, easy breezy, don’t panic, don’t worry, everything is going to be ok, everything happens for a reason, God doesn’t put more on you than you can handle, pele pele, breathe, stay calm, calm down, take a deep breath, inhale, exhale, close your eyes.

So I close my eyes and take a deep breath knowing that I am not alone because there is always someone with me although I might not be able to see them with my naked eye and at times like this I wish so badly I could see my guardian angels just for reassurance. There are times that no matter how old you get, you feel like the first time you let your mother’s hand go on the first day of school and the panic that you might never see her again, clinches your heart that you begin to cry, until she reassures you she is coming back and she does.

Why do women have sex?

Sitting at the bar at Buffalo Wild Wings half ass watching the NBA finals a familiar conversation started about men cheating. The conversation went something like this, ” Men cheat but there is a difference between a man cheating and a man being loyal, see when a man is loyal he has your back but he might dip out on you from time to time but he’s not going to be with the woman he has sex with, she knows to stay in her lane!” So basically from this dude perspective it was all about wanting to have sex with a different woman.

Now add to the conversation, from another dude at the table, ” If she was doing her job I would not be dipping!” Now this is where I interjected because “‘how was she now responsible for your behavior?” I’m like if you want to have sex with another person outside of your relationship, then just make it be just about that-no more no less. In addition to making the woman responsible for his cheating he also stated that there is a silent agreement between women and men that it is ok for men to cheat.

With that being said, of course the women at the table decided to ask if they could accept their women having sex with another man and still be with her……long silences from both and to add insult to injury, I asked, ” Would you be ok with your woman using her chin as a ball rest for another man?” And like the dinosaurs I knew there were, the old, “Women are not wired to cheat, they are not wired to want to bust a nut for the sake of busting a nut!” Add finally, they both proclaimed that if their “women” had sex with another man and they found out they would leave her immediately. Final consensus, they could dish it out but they couldn’t take it.

Now I don’t know where some men get these asinine ideas that women are not sexual, considering they are having sex with a woman. Are the women they have sex with outside of their relationships not women?……..I’m confused. However men justify having sex with other women is their business, if you live long enough, as a woman you will learn the old saying, ” aint nothing better than some pussy than new pussy!”

So with this knowledge, it’s hard to take wanting to “bust a nut” personally just know women also like to bust one to just for the pure hell of it and it might be with another man-deal with it!

Is Bragging Rude?

 

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Interviews and getting clients are all about being able to brag about yourself. But how many of us are comfortable talking about ourselves let alone big upping ourselves. Now hear me clearly I know some professional bullshiters, snake oil salesmen, straight verbal pimps- I myself am not one of them. Now don’t get me wrong- get to know me and you will  clearly see that I carry myself with a certain je ne sais qoui but can I free style like Black Thought from the Roots about what makes me great at the drop of a dime, Hell no, it’s down right uncomfortable. Seeing as in certain environments, having noticeably high self esteem can cause a fight (I will tell you about that in another blog), one begins to try and hide to be safe. But that safety net hinders you as you grow and develop and when your in that interview for that much needed job or you need to snag that client to keep your lights on, modesty has to go hurling out the window. Cuz hear me clearly, the verbal pimp with less skills than you will get the job over your meek ass. So here’s the deal, get with some of your partners, your girlfriends, your family and start a bragging session. Make a circle and when it’s your turn to brag get in the middle so all eyes can be on you. No rules set it to a cheer, a song, a dance just for 2 minutes say the most brave, fun and outlandish things about yourself?

You just hate me, cuz you aint me!”- Smokey from Friday

 

Do blondes have more fun?

Portrait of a beautiful young woman

A few years ago, I was given the pet name “Juicy” by a King, as we lay in bed fully clothed. I had intercepted him like a lost package after he got stranded in a New York airport coming from Canada to Los Angeles. After being rescued, he politely demanded that I spend the weekend with him at his hotel along with his chief advisor, as we lay in bed, our feet playing with one another, he began to look at me as if he was surveying me with pleasure without lust and he began to describe the way I looked, he said my hair was bouncey despite what the shampoo bottle blaringly reads,  “UNRULY!” Not that I had a problem with the label because my hair was wild and definitely fought to be free but somehow I bought into the label until he looked at me with the most loving eyes and profound appreciation for Kinks and Curls and then he declared with pure joy that I was “Juicy”.

He had come to this conclusion as he ran his fingers through my hair, as he placed each of his fingers through mine, as he touched my skirt lightly, he softly touched me from head to toe with gentle massages. As he rubbed my feet, he made his declaration that I was “Juicy!” And here- I was thinking that I needed to lose some weight and get in shape, seeing as I am a trained dancer, and have neglected my mistress for quite some time. Now before he made this statement I had a battle in my head from time to time that, something was wrong with my body.

Since that moment that he reminded me that he was a King and jokingly told me “You should be rubbing my feet”, I have always felt the love in the way he touched and spoke to me. He appreciated my body, my hair, my skin and my mind-all the while I would from time to time talk badly to myself about my body. But not bad enough to go to the gym, I’ve always hated PE because the gym and the locker room stinks of feet, must, ass, mold, sweat, and other things I just cant put my finger on it, I got it, it smells like a boy’s room going through puberty-you know the smell. And I don’t give a dam what the price tag is on the gym membership-they all have that same smell.’

So amongst hating the way gyms smell, what I find most intriguing is the way, the gym changes a woman’s body. Working out in the gym the way the fitness industry prescribes makes a woman’s body begin to look very masculine. I parallel this programming, with the way women have been encouraged to engage in the work environment- the push to take on a masculine role and abandon the feminine as a prototype for success. That being said, the summer is coming and we are bombarded with getting our bodies” bikini ready” but if “bikini ready” means, my body cant be soft, supple, curvy and “Juicy!” than I will have to rock the body I have.

Shit I look at myself butt whole naked everyday, several times a day and admire myself with the same approval and joy the King did. Dam, I’m Sexy and “Juicy!”

 

Love me or leave me alone!

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I had a long conversation with a friend of mine the other day, one we’ve had for many times throughout the past 2 years, without telling all his business he told me how deeply unsatisfied he was in the romantic relationship he was in. The most prevailing issue in his relationship is that he cannot be himself, although his mate provides many things, her inability to accept and love him as he is, is ruining their relationship and he is dying of a slow death.

At the end of the day, it is about the deep long seasons, years, weeks, months, days, minutes, and seconds of deprivation. As we talked I wanted to weep, hell I had been weeping for weeks because I to had come to recognize that I have spent so many years in deprivation, starving myself of what I wanted and or needed. There is a deep sadness that comes from deprivation, from being starved and from starving oneself. When was the last time you have been touched by another person not just in a sexual way but in a way that soothes your spirit and eases your soul, where you feel alive, connected and loved? All to often the only time people are touched is during a sexual encounter- How many times have you needed a long deep hug or caress but settled for sex because it was the only way to be touched.

Instead of bad mouthing his partner, we collectively discussed all the ways that we have co-conspired to make ourselves feel smaller in order to make other people feel better about themselves. During our discussion, I praised him for all the milestones of his personal development and celebrated how far he has come in his journey of becoming a better person, the old him would have just cheated and left the relationship like a coward never taking any responsibility. Instead, he bought his finance` a book to open the dialogue of having his partner love and accept him for who he is. It tickled me because he is reading it first, so they can read it together. I hope she learns to” get him” because we have a right to be who we are and deserve to be loved as we are.  What you need- needs you, so wrap your arms around yourself and embrace yourself with a long hug.

 

The cure for self doubt

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Listen to yourself and ignore the dream killers. There is a voice and a spirit that is so strong inside of us that over time becomes a whisper-for fear of being silenced  because of the advice and opinions of others. How many times have you had a vision, a goal and a dream of what you wanted for your life that was so clear you could have touched it only to have it diminished because of other people and the lack of faith or confidence you had in yourself. Ignore the advice of other people, especially those who have not had the courage to follow any of their own dreams. Whatever you need and want- needs you! I repeat, “WHATEVER YOU NEED AND WANT- NEEDS YOU!”

How to keep a secret?

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Recently someone told me some things about a person I know. And after their disclosure of this person, let’s call him Raymond, I immediately became irritated with the person giving the information-let’s call her Annie. Now Annie may have been well meaning, but I did not need to know any of it because Raymond had not told me himself and I figured if he did not disclose this information than quite possibly he didn’t want me to know. Furthermore, I would have rather not known because finding out put me in a position I didn’t necessarily want to be in. More importantly, it changed the dynamic of our relationship without him even knowing. It gave me pause to question his character and placed me in a position to judge him, which was not fair. But as unfair as it was, I began to judge and the more Annie ran her mouth the more I wished she would be quiet.

I thought about what Annie had told me for a couple of days and decided that no matter what was unfairly disclosed I would not allow it to ruin my friendship with Raymond. Needless to say, not long after Annie’s disclosure Raymond began to reveal to me his circumstances little by little over time. I listened and over a period of weeks he finally told the last of his revelation. It brought to mind something my Baba always told me, ” Never tell someone anything you don’t want repeated!”

He would also tell me, “Don’t let someone tell me something you should have told me first!” Which brings to mind the time he was dating this girl I went to High School with- Godmother. Now for whatever reason the girl did not like me, which didn’t really bother me but what did piss me off was that she took her dislike of me so far as to tell my Baba, that I had lost my virginity. Talk about, low down and dirty……my father was fully aware the girl did not like me without me saying a word, which is why he was even more disappointed in me. Someone had told him something that I should have told him first. And from that day on I have always been the first to disclose any and everything to my father no matter how disappointed and or hurt he may be in my decision. What he didn’t deserve was to be embarrassed!

 

 

The morning after

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A friend of mine gave his daughter a graduation party and my friend Sam and I were tricked as usual into cooking and setting up for the party, not only did we set up, cook the food, we made sure everyone had what they needed all night. My friend giving the party is Nigerian so there were wall to wall Nigerians. Until a group of young black American men came to the party and right away I caught the eye of a hot and sexy chocolate twenty-something year old. He immediately said a few words to me and I responded with a quick, “hello, cutie how are you?’ Now mind you I said this as I walked past him leaving him standing with the biggest grin. Sometime after that another one in the group, this light-skinned hmmm, hot ass began to tell Sam and I what all his tatooes represented and I was in awe as to how fine this boy was, his biceps flexed as he narrated his stories and all I could think was, ” who the hell said, light=skinned boys aren’t in?’

It was exhilarating flirty with these two all night, they had gotten everyone’s attention at the party and from the on-set of their arrival people made it there business to have contact with them as if what they possessed could some how be transferred simply by being In close proximity of them. Anyway at some point during my hosting, cleaning, replenishing, etc.. I had 2 drinks and the last thing I could remember was money being thrown at me while I danced. The Nigerians are the originators of making it rain while you dance. I also remember the young boys trying to talk us into leaving the party with them, they were persistent.

You would never believe what I woke up to, omg I woke up(fully dressed) on the velvet blue couch of my friend and wrapped around me like lettuce wrapp was a short water-head Nigerian, saying “babe I saved you from those young boys who were trying to take advantage of you” This Ratbastard was acting as if he had done me a favor, I would have preferred to have woken up in the arms of one of the young stallions if I had to wake up in the arms of a man, this dude looked like a short angry turtle. After, prying his paws from my waist and unhooking his legs from mines I found Sam and asked her what the hell had happened. She went on to tell me the sorted details and apparently, the young boys appeal was such a danger that Turtle man stepped in and I passed out on the couch and was informed that he had fondled me in my sleep and Sam had to reprimand his behavior.

At least Vanilla Lattae and Mocha Latte were upfront about their desires and their offers were inviting but the fantasy was interrupted by male jealousy. Extreme exhaustion and 2 drinks should have been a turn off but not to Turtleman, shaking my hand, apparently I got super friendly because when I checked my voicemail, there were several messages from men with the thickest accents I could barely understand anything they said.  What the hell had I done, I had given my number out more times in one night than I have in 5 years to men I had no attraction to, nor who I remembered, nor who I plan on talking to. Don’t get me wrong, I love being African but as superfacial as it may sound being attractive is mandatory, what I find attractive you may not but I don’t know any women personally who are attracted to slimy and creepy men. 

So why the hell couldn’t I have woken up to that  fine ass Nigerian I met at the festival, or one of those blue black Senegalese drummers I have to purposely ignore when I’m moving across the floor for fear I might land in their lap or that model gorgeous African from Sierra Leone with the softest most delicious lips I’ve ever kissed  and more importantly, Who the fuck waits for a girl to fall asleep on a couch and thinks that is a cue to start a cuddling session and doesn’t have the good sense to leave before she wakes up, all jokes aside, had my friends not been there Turtleman would probably have turned into a booty bandit.

” I was saving you from the young boys!, he repeated over again, I wanted to slap the shit out of him from ruining a potential fantasy, it’s official, I’m a Cougar, no I’m a Panther….I’m African.

Now or Never

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I finally started my blog after being scared and not feeling really ready I did it. I still don’t know what I’m doing as far as the look and the lay out but I’ve put it off long enough. I was waiting on perfection but it never happened and good enough will have to be good enough.