Category "Bad Gigs"

We can level cities!

Irritation and aggravation subsided I had to refocus on my clarity and clarification that whatever fuckery, chicanery, and shenanigans other folks wanted to be on and stay in was not my desired goal or intention. I had spent way to many years in the land of dis Ease, un Pleased, Un Satisfied, in Congruent, and Un fucked well on a regular basis where a niggod just stands up I it!- dancing and marching to someone else’s beat and rhythm  leaving me broke, busted and disgusted that I vowed, ” Never Again!” And while there is a such thing as righteous anger what I do love about anger is it is an emotion that gets a person moving, it disrupts inertia. Now there can be collateral damage if the energy of anger in action isn’t transmuted.

Like fiery dragons, we can level cities but what happens when righteous anger moves us to level cities. Now we cannot enjoy ourselves because in our righteous indignation we have destroyed everything and must start a new and this is where anger turned to bitchiness goes wrong. Forgive yourself for all the cities you may have had to level no matter the catalyst behind muthafcukas having to get their asses singed and burnt knowing good dam well they deserve it but I digress!

Now that you have fucked everything up and you cannot go to the movies cuz you leveled that, that you cannot go to the Supermarket cuz you leveled that, that you cannot drive on the roads cuz you leveled them, that you cannot drive cuz you roasted those, that your children cannot go to school cuz you leveled them, etc…. cuz you leveled it…. by now you get my point.

And so what do we do and where do we go from here? Well you might want to check in with yourself and honor your own feelings and emotions before you get to the Tipping Point like she did before she leveled a building because build up will erupt! It might be time to pull out and watch that old movie Falling Down staring Michael Douglass to fully overstand that it is a thin line between sanity and insanity and you never know what the breaking point might be!

If the shoe fits then wear it in LaLa Land!

 

 

 

 

“Folks suffer from delusions of grandeur!”_YeYe

 

 

I have not been able to write because I have been inundated in an attempt to indoctrinate me into the bullshit shit circus that has spawned since President Donald Trump took office! As often as I have received blank stares or the I am not so sure of what to make of this statement that has been hurled  directly and indirectly at me from white women, ” I don’t envy you”, as a direct response to me explaining my trial and tribulations as a black woman in America, sitting across from my white female counterpart in a professional setting, let me quantify that-a private-professional setting, my gaze became blank because as she started to cry, she said, “All hope was lost!” because Hillary had lost the election!

I didn’t know quite what to make of her reaction and the reaction of so many others after the election. Since I had not put my hope in either one of them. I had the raw knowing that because we shared the same genitals, did not mean we shared the same values or saw the world from the same lens. I had chosen to sit this one out purposely because it felt like a familiar statement both directly and symbolically was being asked of me….. ” What foot do you want cut off your left or your right?”

And since I had once been asked this question upon something being done for me as a supposed favor and me being ignorant to the process, it seemed that I had put myself in a bind for not knowing the stakes at hand or the game being played and as much as I wanted to keep both feet- I had to make a choice and while the shit hurt, I appreciated the candor from the man holding my future in his hands. I didn’t literally lose a foot yet I paid a heavy price for not knowing what a so called favor was going to cost me!

And so as I sat this one out and had done a great job of not getting caught up in the Frey. After Donald Trump won, the onslaught began and as I began to rubber neck, I could not believe all the things I was seeing and hearing so much of the shit was so outlandish it was like a coon fest and a clown show and since I was a student of the theatre I knew many had underestimated the brilliance of the Court Jester and his role and significance in society and so I knew he was going to win despite me actively deciding not to engage!

Watching the scenes unfold after the acts had taken place one could see the genius in the mad satire and as enthralling as it was I wanted to remain un-hijacked by the emotional storm of  such crafted scripts of one of the greatest Antagonist in American history! That being said,  I want folks to stop sending me shit that he does and says. Nothing he says or does shocks me because historically Negros tell it like it is and growing up in the family I did, we put shit on the table so you couldn’t be confused or surprised where a muthafucka stood and I ain’t even added the street code and ethics!

See these are some the same folks who ain’t ever been interested in politics or policies and how they effect other people. I’ve been out in these streets advocating for better everything and at the end of the day when you do not get the support needed to sustain making communities vibrant you just get burnt out and sit the fuck down because dealing with apathetic muthafuckas waiting on somebody else to come save they asses just becomes too heart breaking and enough is enough already.

The fact that LaLa Land the movie is such a great hit speaks to the state that most people had been in until The Grandmaster of Chaos began his official political campaign and how anyone that has currently been kicked in the teeth feels blindsided makes me give the side eye. Where the fuck y’all been?

At what point did Mexicans fall asleep? Did they collectively forget Prop.187 which eerily is the penal code for murder in which the California Constitution was ratified. On the surface it seemed as if it were merely about receiving benefits to social services however if you look deeper it was a strategy for deportation. I argued that people should vote against it and tried to explain the ramifications of the ratification yet what I said fell on death ears!

Well of course they weren’t going to activate the Law right away before they worked folks like 50 cent hoes and so now folks are surprised at the build that wall so it won’t fall jingle and folks are more perplexed at the soon to be dissolved NAFTA act.

‘Well again, if folks pay attention, you can see shit coming cuz what I love about these folks is they tell you what they gone do before they do it. As soon as you started needing a Passport to get into Canada and Mexico folks should have began to ask, ” what’s really going on?’ Nope that didn’t happen because in LaLa Land is where they stayed.

And as I hustled like a new slave off a slave ship to get a house before the bubble busted only to take my house out of escrow after figuring out the get down with the get down but that’s another story. I felt the sting that made many blacks folk support Prop. 187 when the Latinos started fucking with me down at one of my hotel gigs while I was knocking down work like a new slave off a slave ship with a hip hop tune in my head instead of a negro spiritual and they came for me.

And if I would be dumb enough to get all emotional and start tripping with them fools I simply told olé girl who started trouble, with me for no reason ‘ You can go sit down or find something else to do cuz I got this I ain’t slowing down and get the fuck off my back because she had been sweatin me for about 3 days and I was tired of her shit!

I told the manager, ” Aye you better get your girl, this ain’t no competition, there is plenty of work to do”” He told her something in Spanish and she and they rest of them left me the fuck alone. And as I knocked down that back breaking work like an Olympic Athlete, one Salvadorian guy, warmed up to me enough to be so bold to ask me if I were, ” A real American!?” Aka meaning, ” I thought niggas was lazy and they didn’t work, that’s why we are here!”

I looed at him and laughed because here he was an illegal working in the service industry doing one of the lowest cache jobs in America yet some how he wanted to believe that some how he was above me a black woman and from his ignorant ass statement it appeared that he had not done any history on America. Because here he was getting paid less than most Americans but getting paid none the less….. but I digress!

And as the mindset of LaLa Land expanded in many directions and geographical locations, with everyone snobbing their noses at each other. No one quite took the Mexicans seriously when they had vowed to take back, ‘ Califia!!” long after it became a whisper!

 

 

 

 

 

And after blacks began to migrate back down South and to the dusty suburbs of Southern California to live in the hollow MTV style cribs with tumble weeds swirling down the roads at any given time, as folks turned there noses to Latinas with their non glamorous often disrespected jobs I worked side by side and learned their stories, stories of Gorge who was a professional chiropractor back in Mexico who now worked in the kitchen in the hotel restaurant.

I heard first hand how family members got here with the help of extended family and it was an effective strategy across the board because while people were talking shit and mistreating Mexicans and other brown people who had once been colonized by the Spaniards no one expected that they would be able to buy up L.A.

How could they when they were supposedly making less money than everyone else in the country. Yes, lower wages, often under the table, over the table with gratuity added to their checks and cash money from tips, selling flowers and fruit on the corner..etc. Do the math  with less so called money???

Really they was taking whole dollars to the bank and pooling their money and resources together while black folks was selling their mamas homes before they were cold in the ground only to end up penniless and broke after mamas and grandmothers cleaned toilets and was the help in many white homes and institutions and sacrificed their whole lives to keep roofs over their families heads-only to have their hard work go down the drain because folks couldn’t see the forest for the trees!

So if muthafuckas forget, got amnesia, or if like a certain group of the population didn’t feel that these rules of engagement applied to them they know now and all the folks who ain’t never been interested in what was going on pass they dawn self can stop sending me shit cuz at this point they a day late and a dollar short and have now been officially kicked out of LaLa Land, and as cold as it is-I say- ” Welcome to America!”

Now ask yourself, ” Who the fuck you really mad at?” Truth be told most folks mad at they dam selves and just projecting they own hurt and anger unto other people because they allowed themselves to be in LaLa Land in the first place! This is what happens when Arrogance meets Ignorance and Faux Superiority Collide!

 

” Bullshit ain’t nothing but chewed up grass and cows don’t even want it!”_ Famale Ballard

What the real get down is!

 

With all the hysteria, paranoia, fear, hopelessness and over all disenchantment with the new direction of America or rather the United States I am often surprised at the hyper reactions of ordinary people when I learned in History class and in Political Science class, the founding fathers aka the people who reconstructed North America were just as brutal and candid when they designed the system that we live under.

Everyday folks were said to be, ” too emotional and stupid!” to have run the country which is supposedly why the electoral college was created so I’m confused about the confusion. The get down with the get down has been going on for so long how can anyone be shocked and or surprised as to what the real get down is?

And as I scratch my head, it is refreshing to hear someone speak who just comes from a place of pure common sense! And so the prophetic words of Flava Flav ring in my head and I am reminded about the need and the importance of the Court Jester!

 

to*mor*row

Tomorrow-on the day after today-adverb

Tomorrow- the day after today-noun

 

 

For an extended amount of time something had been telling me to take a Krav Maga class. The voice was continuance-although,  I kept ignoring it until I lay flat on my back with someone laying on me on top of me weighing a good 200 pounds. As I lay helpless on the ground with this person laying on me I recalled the voice in my head and once I got up off the ground I thought this is why Krav Maga would have come in handy.

I will have to go into details about the entire shenanigans another time (God willing) because my left hand is not functioning because I finally went and took a class and my partners’ right foot put my left hand out of commission and I am typing this post with one hand. I don’t feel that bad because there were more men in the class than women and they all were struggling just as much as I was. The female partner I had was a beast and if you should meet her in an alley and she kicks you in the balls-you will lose the ability to produce children!

As I struggle to write this post with one hand, I am reminded that I almost self-sabotaged myself out of taking the class. These are the words that kept me focused and moving through all resistance and apprehension about taking the class……….

 

” Nobody ever touched a tomorrow in life, nobody ever experienced one, nobody ever saw one. Not because it’s out of reach because it doesn’t exist!

” You can only imagine tomorrow! You can only behold now, you can never behold tomorrow!”

” Tomorrow is a dream that will never come true! You can only imagine tomorrow.”

” You can know life only today. You can know life only now, the moment”

” Life and death will happen today!”

” Tomorrow never happened to anybody but the idea of tomorrow has robbed people!”

” Just the idea completely robs people of everything that could be life!”

” Most lives are not a reality, they’re just a psychological existence, they’re just a dream!”-Sadhguru

 

Why every woman needs to get proficient in Iceberg Slim chicanery

 

I don’t know if I told you the story of how I went crying to my baby daddy about this other dude I started seeing and through tears, he and his friend told me to stop crying. They both looked at me with grins on their faces as if they knew a secret. And almost as if they were reading each other’s minds-they both said almost at the same time, ” It’s not your turn!” Basically they both told me not to fret that if I kept busy with a good attitude my turn would come again. So, I stopped crying because I felt immediate relief because I didn’t need to worry, there was nothing wrong with me and I had not warranted the change in his behavior.

And since I had learned the magic phrase I paid closer attention to our encounters and as I began to review our engagements I saw patterns and I discovered for myself that I was Friday’s girl. And at the time if I had to have a day, Friday was a great day, it was fun day! I pondered some more – I recalled his fascination with Iceberg Slim. So I began doing a little research on this pimp poet. Although, I never read one of his books with minimal effort I learned this negro had used some of the same lines of Iceberg Slim on me and I had fallen for them.

Now I give all dudes I deal with a disclaimer since there are far and few men that I will even entertain seeing as I can go years without really liking or feeling a guy. I like to put things on the table, ask questions, you know put shit where it goes cuz I do not like surprises good or bad. Now usually negroes pretend to respond well, I generally ask them to be upfront with me about who they are dealing with up to the point of not asking for names so when I get a ” I’m not dealing with nobody but you!” declaration I’m usually giving them the side eye if my intuition is telling me different. I warn them what can happen if they decide to lie and play hoe games and from that point on I’m like let the games begin.

This was pretty much my approach to dating when I was in my 20’s. Needless to say, most often times then not negroes would lie and I would eventually learn the truth, however not without them learning some valuable lessons. See one thing I tell everybody, ” I do not have to go looking for anything, whatever I need to know will literally fall at my feet!” So imagine the day, I busted Iceberg Slims’ protegé on my block. You should have seen his face as he turned the corner and our eyes met and I could see the fear in his eyes and he could see the shock on my face as he hit my block, looking as if he saw a ghost. Problem is he did not know that I lived on that block because I had only moved a week earlier and he had yet to visit because he was “busy”.

Little did he know all day I kept thinking about a certain type of car, my mind kept chanting the name of the vehicle and I could not understand why. After being out all morning on a beautiful sunny Saturday I returned home and something told me to go outside and sit on the stoop. I sat with my hands under my thighs and as I said his name in my head, he turned the corner in the same car I had been thinking about all day- it was brand new, black shiny and as sleek as a panther.

So when he rode passed me and went 4 houses down from me on the opposite side of the street and a girl got out of the passenger side. I just sat there, shocked and watched the whole thing. The girl looked like me except she was taller, so he had a type. I listened as she kept, telling him to get out of the car, yet he refused, I continued to watch and listen as two older women came out of the house to the car. It turned out it was her grandmother’s house and I would later see this same girl who looked like she could be my sister almost everyday.

We both learned later on that we shared more spaces in common when a few weeks after they hit my block I was walking out of my college english class and she hit the corner and I could see the pain in her face, seeing as I subtly dropped a hint to her asking if I had seen her the other day getting out a black car with HitnRun  a few days after the incident. She said his government name and curtly stated, ” That’s my boyfriend!”  Turns out we lived on the same block went to the same school.

As I sat on my hands and watched who I thought was my boyfriend- say a few words to them and left going in the opposite direction of me.  I spoke with him later on in the day and in the most smooth cool voice he lied and said, ” It wasn’t me!”And although, I knew he was lying through his teeth his resolve calmed me down to the point I could not stay angry with him but his last words really sobered me. He said, ” I ain’t married to nobody!” No shit Sherlock which is why I put everything on the table in the beginning so there would be no need to lie and play games. But I found out putting things on the table for niggas who thrive on games and Iceberg Slim tactics cannot elevate their self-esteem if they are honest and transparent. Nevertheless, to this day whenever I see him, he salutes me because he learned the hard way I ain’t the one to be playin hoes games with!

Another almost deadly combination to any woman whose mind is overtaken by an Iceberg Slim followers is the conundrum that can happen when you decide to hold your pussy, go on a dick diet, remain celibate or whatever you want to call it and one of these Ratbastards, ” Catches you on a good day!” Good day for them bad day for you!  ” Let me say it one mo gen, if you have been holding your pussy for a long period of time and you end up fucking one of these Iceberg Slim fakers you can and will end up in a dick haze so deep you might as well be on heroine. Once you orgasm you think you’re in love and once your brain releases those eurphoric chemicals- baby even the strongest women can literally lose their minds due to the psychological warfare these pimp students play on women’s mind. See you can be turned into a hoe and never walk a track or the streets, why ya bullshitn!

The saying, ” I take em from 8 to 80, blind cripple and crazy!” is real cuz no matter the age of a male who loves to use this mind fuckery you can find your mind being blown at any age. The confusion and damage ensued by these Ratbastards can lead to irreversible damage if you’re not certain of the Iceberg Slim Chicanery, The It’s Not Your Turn Wheel a Girl Game, A man wants to be in a committed relationship but just not with you- never knew the rules game. Once you learn the rules of engagement they may seem like hard pills to swallow. However, if you keep the wolves off you from the beginning you might survive the dating world without being swallowed whole.

Now hear my clearly, I have been the prey to this dude and a few others have tried to set traps for, little did they know the traps that they set for me would be the very ones they would be sitting in. Somebody should have told stupid ass Bridget greedy ass the game. When this same dude asked me, if I were willing to get a PO Box and put it in my name, I looked at him with the same aloothness as the day he said, ” It wasn’t me!” and  I replied, ” I don’t get down like that!” and as a recall my words I can vividly see Bridget hauling ass like she had a pack of wild banchees sniping at her as she tried to dodge the bullets the Mexican cowboys meant for Ty. But once again, that’s another story. That’s the biggest lesson to learn is you gotta draw the line before not after you meet these kinds of jokers or else you will be doing a bid, losing your mind and possibly your soul.

What percentage of American workers read their employee handbook manual?

 

18 Mar 2015, India --- Onager or Asiatic wild ass (Equus hemionus), endangered species, a jack rolling in the excrements of a jenny, Little Rann of Kutch, Gujarat, India, Asia --- Image by © imageBROKER/Corbis

I have an aversion to bullshit-it simply makes my ass itch. And anyone whose had a serious case of itches, especially after consuming too much sugar should be able to relate. This world is filled with bullshit artist and shenanigans instigators and I strongly believe there should be a manual for those of us who have a hard time being able to comprehend and or deal with BULLSHIT!

For instance, for the life of me, Corporate America does not seem hell-bent on making profits, more like, they are hell-bent on creating and sustaining bullshit. If most so-called shareholders only but knew the bullshit and the amount of time, money, resources, and tools that are wasted during working hours they’d be jumping out of more windows.

The idea that only 20% of employees throughout any organization and or business is doing the majority of the work is mind-boggling. So what is the rest of the 80% doing at work? Bullshitting, playing, harassing and bullying the 20% who are working. Listen I work to pass the time because sitting around jaw jappin with people who are only there with you because they need a check seems like forced marriage.

I used to have to be at work at 7 am for a company that was founded in 1872 and anyone who knows me knows I am not a morning person. Anyway, I used to bust my ass at work, like a new slave off a slave ship. Now I am not one of those people who believe in the politics of how business is supposed to be ran according to all the MBA academics. I know that hard work don’t really mean shit and that in corporate america they do shit and give things to people they want to plain and simple.

The let me work and leave me alone mind-set does not sit well with the average employee and or manager in corporate america. It seems it’s frowned upon to come to work to work. Why else are we here? Now my 7 am start at my 1872 founded corporate job interrupted my regular body rhythm because I was used to not starting work before 10 am. With this in mind, my regular body functions were delayed which meant I had to handle my business at work.

Business woman shouting at colleges --- Image by © Adie Bush/cultura/Corbis

Like clock work I would go to the restroom a little before 10 am. So one morning, as I hit the corner after my morning move, my manager, sees me and looks at me as if I had been caught doing something wrong. She begins her silioque with, ” You disappear at the same time everyday! I do not understand why I cannot find you?…..something, something”…..I stopped listening all together and began to ask myself, ” Is she crazy? Aint it enough I come to work on time and bust my ass and now you stalking me at work, really….

I told her, ” If you must know, I have a bowel movement at the same time everyday and considering I have to be at work at 7 am, my usual 7:30 am bowel movement has been postponed to 9:45 am!” I went to my doctor after work to get a doctor’s note and he was beyond irritated that anyone would be harassed for having to use the restroom. I presented my manager with my doctors’ note and she turned red with embarrassment.  And from that day forward, anytime any of the managers would start stalking me at work and would ask me what I was doing…..I would say, ” Watching you watch me!”

Unlike most employees, I read the employee manual thoroughly, so I am competent in the rules of engagement, policy and procedures from the owners perspective, more often than not its managers and employees that cause corporations to be sued because of inappropriate behavior toward other employees. So as long as the corporate culture allows for 80% of its work force to be unengaged at work the more money they will pay in lawsuits!

And with all the advancements in technology can any tell me why in the year 2016 are we still using resumes to hire and find the best candidates for jobs-more bullshit. It’s like having a man who looks good on paper but can’t fuck!

Businesswoman sticking adhesive note to man's back --- Image by © Image Source/Corbis

 

Why you need to understand the first rule in business!

 

1944, El Salvador --- Women make sleeping mats, called petate, and floor mats from tule --- Image by © Luis Marden/National Geographic Creative/Corbis

It’s business it aint personal!

 

I finally saw the documentary, “Murder Rap Inside the Biggie and Tupac Murders” and all I got to say is they need to change the word ” Snitchin” to ” Telling” cause them negros in that documentary was telling it all. Just plain diarrhea of the mouth, supposedly loose lips sink ships but not in this case the more they was telling the more so many of them were exonerated of their crimes! And the only thing I could think of is why the hell is my cousin Derrick still in prison?

I remember when the whispers started in the family about my cousin Derrick and what he was doing. I remember the day my grandmother told him to ” leave that nigga alone!” after he got into a fight in her front yard with a dude named after one the Disney’s Seven Dwarf’s who was supposed to be his friend and homie. I might have been young but I knew the nigga was suspect the first day I laid eyes on his ass, he had a perm with rollers in his head. How you gon be hard-gang banging with curlers in your head and I knew from that day forward he would be detrimental to Derrick-he was warned but he didn’t listen.

ca. December 1994, Cerro Verde National Park, El Salvador --- Branch of Coffee Tree in El Salvador --- Image by © Peter Guttman/CORBIS

Back in the day you could snitch on the homies and still catch jail time. Just ask that nigga who snitched on my cousin and the rest of the homies how much time he got- he got life-like everybody else, so how these new negros escape jail time is beyond me, no I stand corrected, they are able to tell on a friend through the RICO Law loop holes.

I was young when my cousin Derrick went to jail, hell he was young. My beautiful handsome cousin with his dipped in honey dark brown glaze complexion was 18 years when he was arrested. He escaped and was later captured at 19 years old. It’s ironic that Ron Newt broke out the same prison I had once visited my cousin in some twenty years ago. But Ron Newt was free and negros were now having viewing parties all of the nation from stolen stories of his life. Again Ron Newt was free and Negros was on a turn up watching ” Empire”, while my cousin was in solitary. It brings to mind how Gabor Mate talks about the very people who were abused as children are the ones who end up in prison and my cousin had experienced unspeakable abuse so there’s no wonder he ended up a wild boy.

10 Jul 2012, El Salvador --- Central America, El Salvador, Quezaltepeque: Kids toys inside the especial cell block that hosuesvmothers and living with their children at the Quezaltepeque which houses only members of the Barrio 18 gang. --- Image by © Juan Carlos/Corbis

I just don’t understand how you lock boys up, teens up for the rest of their lives when you know that the entire crack epidemic was plotted and planned and the young black  boys from Southern California were nothing short of boy soldiers no different from the African boys used all throughout Africa to fight wars. How is it that the children from the continent could get sympathy from people continents away but black boys here are looked as thugs, criminals, and throw aways when their behaviors mimics the leaders of the world.

I often wonder about all the boys from El Salvador who came to the United States fleeing from the civil war there only to have to learn to gang bang to stay alive here in Los Angeles. Later to be deported back to El Salvador years after  they had forgotten their homeland. The system dumped them back in a land that was worse off than what they left as children and you wonder why these same men who were once children take to criminal activities, it’s fucking common sense you can only see so many murders and mayhem for so long before you go completely insane! But remember it aint personal, it’s business!

I think about the boys from El Salvador often because I remember laying on my back looking at the ceiling as my friend Sylvia told the story of how her family had escaped from El Salvador . I could see in her eyes sadness, relief and disappointment. Sadness because she missed her home land and the family she left behind, some relief because her family had managed to settle in a small home in Compton that reminded her of home with all its fruit trees growing in the back yard. Disappointment because she felt only slightly safer because there was a war going on around us and we both knew at any time we or someone we knew could be killed for no apparent reason. How you learn to live, survive and for a tiny few thrive in terrorism God only knows?

I am further reminded of how power, money and influence can affect your life. Had my cousin hired Johnny Cochran or had known some influential people more than likely he would be out of prison but who knew to hire Johnny Cochran- I had only heard of the man once the OJ trial started happening, yet it speaks volumes of how he knew the law. I vaguely remember the attorney my cousin hired to fight his case, I only remember he was a white man. My cousin is almost 50 years old and is still in prison.

The paradoxical thing about using the RICO Law against black gangs is a complete oxymoron considering black gangs in Southern California were not and are not organized. Could these negros think and get along long enough for HSBC to have to pay a fine, absolutely NOT! There are no shot callers, leaders, there is no hierarchy, or structure. Nothing against New York or the East coast but there is no way in hell if these negros were organized that dudes from New York could infiltrate negros in Southern Cali and start a war with most of the casualties being from Cali, I’m just saying. I’m out right embarrassed and saddened because boys who once played together, who knew each other’s families had become enemies as men…..but……why?

 

 

 

How to deal with ungrateful children!

 

Being a parent is a thankless job. Children don’t come with manuals and treating each child the same is dangerous because they all come with different needs. The first child is a real experiment and often times the one you make the most mistakes on. I’ve taken the job of motherhood as serious business and while I have made plenty of mistakes I did my best and my intentions were to teach my children that their lives belong to them and no one else.

Your children think you don’t know shit and at times I have found myself saying to my children, ” You would like me if, I had 5 baby daddies, with a host of boyfriends coming through here! I’d mean something to yall if was feeding your asses popcorn and kool-aid for dinner! You’d think I was smart and would listen to me had I not taught yo ass how to read!”

And we aint even go discuss dealing with your children when they get grown. Baby just sit back and wait for the day they have their own children that alone can ease the frustration of dealing with ungrateful, unappreciative, thank you don’t know shit children!

If you’ve managed to raise children without taking to substance abuse or have been able to resist the urge of beating the shit out of them (because it only makes their behavior worse) and if you’ve become a broken record over time and have managed to co-parent efficiently despite being divorced, never been married and or have managed to sustain a marriage and still be in love while raising children.

If you have managed to respect your children’s choices even when you know they are making the wrong decisions and have given them the space to grow and develop, give yourselves a pat on the back ( I secretly talk to my ex-husband more than I did when we were married because children are crafty and if you don’t communicate they will run circles around you). Plan a I did my best party, it doesn’t have to be elaborate but if you’ve managed not to super fuck up your children, then it deserves a celebration because your children most likely aint gon give you one!

I laugh as I remember my Yeye saying more like yelling at us growing up. ” If I had some piss you’d want it. if I had some shit, you’d want it- I caint have nothing-wit yall beggin asses!” Did it stop us from beggin-NO. Did it stop us from busting in the bathroom while she sat on the toilet-NO. Did it stop us from entering the restroom as she took a bath-NO, all the while beggin!

The most fun we had as children( with the exception of my youngest brother-he hated to hear yelling, although he laughed with us) was frustrating my Yeye into yelling because we loved to laugh at all the funny faces she made and we loved to hear the funny things that would come out of her mouth once we had successfully pushed her over the edge. So remember pay back is a Bitch!

 

When you feel like kicking yourself in the ass!

04 Oct 2014, Dhaka, Bangladesh, Bengal --- Slum child enjoying color play on the ocassion of last day of Durga Puja. Bangladeshi Hindu devotees put vermillion and color on each other's faces as they dance on the final day of the Durga Puja Festival in Dhaka on October 4 2014. The five-day Durga Puja festival commemorates the slaying of a demon king Mahishasur by goddess Durga, marking the triumph of good over evil. (Photo by Zakir Hossain Chowdhury/NurPhoto) --- Image by © Zakir Hossain Chowdhury/NurPhoto/Corbis

I rarely, discuss my college education because to me, it’s bullshit and the rate of return on my investment was negative because  college don’t teach you how to make money. Hear me clearly, I learned some valuable and priceless shit going to college but not in the classrooms. We pay heavy prices when we lie to ourselves!

Their usefulness comes down to paying a heavy personal penalty for not listening to my dawn self and trying to please my mother and family. I allowed myself to engage in them Respectability Politics, and the unyielding dis-ease of The Need to Please when I knew better!

Just cuz folks is grown and you a child don’t mean they know what your destiny is. The shit we do to be loved and accepted can destroy dreams and take you off your path if you begin to believe that other people know what’s best for you!

I would just as well use my degrees to wipe my own ass if the paper was as soft as Charmin. I use language and my own self expression to speak to peoples’ hearts and to self-correct. I ain’t better than nobody and certainly aint inferior to nobody!

Everyday all day we receive messages in lightening speed, telling us,” you ain’t shit, you’re not enough, you’re not good enough, you too loud, you too strong!”, it goes on and on……… Truth be told, many and most of us heard these messages from our caregivers/family members/friends add technology as the Reinforcer and what you get is a recipe for complete devastation to the human spirit.

The shit don’t stop and not that I don’t get insecure and not that I don’t get scared sometimes but what I  know 4sho, is that the Universal GOD, whatever name that you prefer to call on, created nothing the same. With, all the people in the world each person has  unique finger prints only to themselves.

There is no leaf on the branch of a tree the same as any other on that same tree so why would I continue or start to compare myself against what anyone else has, does or says.

The streets got it right, “Mind your own business and you can live longer!”