Category "Crazy in Love"

Jell Bridges can get it!

 

Image result for Jeff Bridges Against All Odds

 

I want to say that before I can even start to discuss all of the twists and turns and ultimate shenanigans that are my life. I must start with one of my recent grounding experiences. Ok, so if you read enough of my posts you know that I love Pasty Cline and Jessica Lange.

Now I am not sure when I fell in love with Jeff Bridges but what I will say is he comes from some dawn good genes. He’s got a beautiful head of hair. Please do not kill my vibe by trying to say, it’s fake! Anyway, he has been married for 40 years to the same woman. The man’s got great genes and staying power!

Again, I cannot recall when I fell in love with him on-screen because he has had so many great performances. With that in mind, I went to go see his new movie ” The only living boy in New York ” and it was worth the dawn near $20 it cost me to see the movie and that did not include popcorn or the parking fee. Oh dawn, I am not supposed to complain about how much money I spend on anything because it’s a taboo.

Speaking, of taboo, the movie was filled with them and each one excited me more than the other. I must digress for a moment, because I almost let one of these critics ruin my date with myself and the delight my eyes danced to as I watched the movie. Apparently, the critic was not a grown ass adult. Nevertheless, I only read the headline and kept it pushin’.

The movie is in limited theatres so I had to go all the way to Hollywood to see the dawn thing. Somehow, with less than 40 minutes to spare I managed to get to Hollywood on time ( the traffic Gods must have been watching).

I will not give away the movie. I will say again- that this movie is for grown ass folks. So please treat yourself to Jeff Bridges’ new movie, ” The only living boy in New York”. Jeff Bridges has aged like fine wine….he is a super supreme ” Cat Daddy” and he can get it….no disrespect to his wife!

 

I love being a girl!

 

I gleefully say Good Bye…..Odabo to the year 2016. All year I have felt like I my mode of transportation has been on the back of a tortoise. It has been a year filled with many frustrations and seemingly slows starts, many stops and snail pace movements no matter how I have desired or even pushed to make things move faster, things just kept happening at a super slow dawn near not moving pace.

And in this slow pace I got to address some issues and relationships. And so I dove deep. I was warned many times over that I had to eliminate superficial relationships that I would need to develop and go deeper in my relating to people in my life. I could no longer sit on the surface and hide my true feelings.

And so I have unnerved and unraveled, untangled, dismantled, and tangled some of my relationships with others. I have bruised some egos by demanding that men honor their words and the one thing that I have been unrelenting in is getting the men in my life to understand how they treat women will visit their daughters. That with each mistreat of someone else’s daughter, sister, mother, cousin and friend, the karma will be visited to the women in these men lives who are careless in the treatment of women.

You can rest assure that it will reach your front door to devour your own daughters as you have devoured other men’s daughters! And as I warn men I am reminded in my reclaiming of myself………. that I Love Being a Girl!

Declarations & Jill Scott’s songs in action

 

 

” I miss you, I miss what we used to do together and you need to do something about it!” My friend and I chuckled over this declaration from her once long-time turned twice a year lover.

We were tickled because he had grown leaps and bounds in being able to express any vulnerable feeling. So although, he had miles to go his declaration had shown growth however, he still wanted her to do most of the work in the relationship.

It seems during their conversation that he finally had a moment of awareness. He suddenly became aware that their relationship had changed drastically and that she was no longer engaged to the level she once was. Primarily because he didn’t respond well to love and after being hurt and over worked and him refusing to listen or to take accountability or be impeccable in practice-she became one of Jill Scott’s songs in action.

 

I give my good girlfriend credit because never did she put any demands on him, she genuinely loved him unconditionally however over time she tried to extinguish some bad behaviors and after being unwilling (as my soul sister Veronica Conway and I live by)  to design to create solutions that fully meet the needs of everyone in the relationship leaves you no other choice but to change the rules of engagement!

My friend- made a declaration, definitively asked for what she wanted from him and left the relationship because her wisdom and prudence knew she would never get what she wanted if she was willing to accept less than what she required and needed. She slowly and gradually ended contact with her lover so that she would not trigger his abandonment issues.

In conclusion, what Ms. Ballard said rings true, ” What you don’t like today you will love tomorrow!”

 

 

Manbo’s mud pies and the 9 line!

 

 

Beyoncé makes lemonade, Goddesses like me make bone soup, some Enchanters make rock soup and Magical Manbos make mud pies. It really bothers me that the media is so powerful that even when you would prefer a topic not to be in your head you simply can’t help it-they force you to take notice. And so I am discussing  Lemonade and  Beyoncé.

Although I fought talking about this subject because a) we already know what a is because I discussed in the first paragraph, b) as far as I know I do not believe Beyoncé herself has critiqued her own artistry of her visual Lemonade album, c) after being unable to uplift myself using a series of white female perspectives and activities I turned to bell hooks and Cornell West, d) after watching Cornell and bell flirt like Tango dancers  as they discussed real black issues I was led to a video by a smart, funny ass, brilliant minded black female reading bell hooks about her critique of Beyoncé’s Lemonade and e) and after reflecting on Danielle Laporte’s response about black women’s suffering -I  had to weigh in.

Since ” feminism is fluid” as the new term states the one thing that remains fluid is the difficulty in black female and male relationships and as bell hooks addressed in one of her lectures; she admitted to not being able to help her sister find a practical and adequate way of dealing with her husband’s disrespectful behavior as he often tells her to ” Shut Up!” Although  bell hooks is the leading black feminist she had to admit while feminism had great theories which she herself is famous for writing about, however, she could not help her sister with her dilemma. With all the ” Movements” in black history, the push for education instead of liberation can we be so surprised about the hoopla over the way Beyoncé’s Lemonade album is being consumed.

What I find ironic, is how so many black males who are labeled ” Thugs”  so much resemble the prolific Jay Z in manners, language and swagger yet black hood love is not exalted in the same way Jay and Bee’s love is. There is much disdained received by the black women who choose to love them and the lack of support from the black community for everyday regular folk black love. How often do we question the constant judgment and jealousy received by these men who are told that they are undeserving of a “Good Girl” makes me question the education of  the so-called feminist cheering for the salvation of a woman clearly in love with a black thug, somewhat contradictory and seemly not a practical application of the code of feminism or its theories.

For example, Ciara (whom many label a hoodgirl) whose beautiful, talented , accomplished and smart has been so disrespected for getting ready to be wifed up  by Russell Wilson. Somehow, Ciara has been tainted by having had an intimate relationship and a child with Future, that somehow Future ain’t shit for having several children with different women. Yet, Beyoncé isn’t ridiculed for Jay Z’s ( as Benita Butrell would say I ain’t the one to gossip so you ain’t it from me) supposed secret oldest love child who looks just like his ass! (Streets be talkin!, why you bullshitn!)

I’m confused -Russell Wilson is too good for Ciara (even though he’s a divorced man),  that Ciara by default does not deserved to be loved and or supported by a man least of all a ” Good Man!” Does anyone see the schizophrenia in all of this? Queen Bee’s marriage is sanctioned and celebrated to a black man who if his name weren’t Jay Z would without a doubt be labeled a “Thug”.  Am I saying this with judgment-absolutely not cause I’ve loved and liked a so-called undeserving black men myself- I’m just addressing the crazy making behavior and again addressing the issue of ” Whose deserving of Love? Whose deserving of money? Whose deserving of sex? Whose deserving of success? Whose deserving of being sanctioned and validated? Whose worthy? And who are the worthy makers?” What defines a Good Man and what are the true qualifications for a ain’t shit nigga cause the lines seemed to be blurred if one is following pop culture?

And while we pin point the worthy makers, let me address the new romanticism of the Orishas that many black folks new to the culture are pushing ( cuz hear me clearly when I was growing up black folks as a whole wasn’t checking for Africa and if I were to count all the times I was told I was going to hell, plus all the African Booty Scratchers I was called from the young  to the elderly makes me give the side eye while I wind my ass to Drakes new song with the Afrobeat but that’s another story)  without the full understanding that they ain’t for sale  and at the same time ” ain’t no free lunch!” as the economist say and that they have the full range of complexities of humans so please believe when you start calling the Orishas’ names you have to start putting in  and doing the work to be healed  because ain’t no waiting to be rescued or blaming somebody else for the choices that you make and they all know whose on the 9 line standing next to you that the eyes caint see- making everybody deserving!

 

 

 

 

 

Why every woman needs to get proficient in Iceberg Slim chicanery

 

I don’t know if I told you the story of how I went crying to my baby daddy about this other dude I started seeing and through tears, he and his friend told me to stop crying. They both looked at me with grins on their faces as if they knew a secret. And almost as if they were reading each other’s minds-they both said almost at the same time, ” It’s not your turn!” Basically they both told me not to fret that if I kept busy with a good attitude my turn would come again. So, I stopped crying because I felt immediate relief because I didn’t need to worry, there was nothing wrong with me and I had not warranted the change in his behavior.

And since I had learned the magic phrase I paid closer attention to our encounters and as I began to review our engagements I saw patterns and I discovered for myself that I was Friday’s girl. And at the time if I had to have a day, Friday was a great day, it was fun day! I pondered some more – I recalled his fascination with Iceberg Slim. So I began doing a little research on this pimp poet. Although, I never read one of his books with minimal effort I learned this negro had used some of the same lines of Iceberg Slim on me and I had fallen for them.

Now I give all dudes I deal with a disclaimer since there are far and few men that I will even entertain seeing as I can go years without really liking or feeling a guy. I like to put things on the table, ask questions, you know put shit where it goes cuz I do not like surprises good or bad. Now usually negroes pretend to respond well, I generally ask them to be upfront with me about who they are dealing with up to the point of not asking for names so when I get a ” I’m not dealing with nobody but you!” declaration I’m usually giving them the side eye if my intuition is telling me different. I warn them what can happen if they decide to lie and play hoe games and from that point on I’m like let the games begin.

This was pretty much my approach to dating when I was in my 20’s. Needless to say, most often times then not negroes would lie and I would eventually learn the truth, however not without them learning some valuable lessons. See one thing I tell everybody, ” I do not have to go looking for anything, whatever I need to know will literally fall at my feet!” So imagine the day, I busted Iceberg Slims’ protegé on my block. You should have seen his face as he turned the corner and our eyes met and I could see the fear in his eyes and he could see the shock on my face as he hit my block, looking as if he saw a ghost. Problem is he did not know that I lived on that block because I had only moved a week earlier and he had yet to visit because he was “busy”.

Little did he know all day I kept thinking about a certain type of car, my mind kept chanting the name of the vehicle and I could not understand why. After being out all morning on a beautiful sunny Saturday I returned home and something told me to go outside and sit on the stoop. I sat with my hands under my thighs and as I said his name in my head, he turned the corner in the same car I had been thinking about all day- it was brand new, black shiny and as sleek as a panther.

So when he rode passed me and went 4 houses down from me on the opposite side of the street and a girl got out of the passenger side. I just sat there, shocked and watched the whole thing. The girl looked like me except she was taller, so he had a type. I listened as she kept, telling him to get out of the car, yet he refused, I continued to watch and listen as two older women came out of the house to the car. It turned out it was her grandmother’s house and I would later see this same girl who looked like she could be my sister almost everyday.

We both learned later on that we shared more spaces in common when a few weeks after they hit my block I was walking out of my college english class and she hit the corner and I could see the pain in her face, seeing as I subtly dropped a hint to her asking if I had seen her the other day getting out a black car with HitnRun  a few days after the incident. She said his government name and curtly stated, ” That’s my boyfriend!”  Turns out we lived on the same block went to the same school.

As I sat on my hands and watched who I thought was my boyfriend- say a few words to them and left going in the opposite direction of me.  I spoke with him later on in the day and in the most smooth cool voice he lied and said, ” It wasn’t me!”And although, I knew he was lying through his teeth his resolve calmed me down to the point I could not stay angry with him but his last words really sobered me. He said, ” I ain’t married to nobody!” No shit Sherlock which is why I put everything on the table in the beginning so there would be no need to lie and play games. But I found out putting things on the table for niggas who thrive on games and Iceberg Slim tactics cannot elevate their self-esteem if they are honest and transparent. Nevertheless, to this day whenever I see him, he salutes me because he learned the hard way I ain’t the one to be playin hoes games with!

Another almost deadly combination to any woman whose mind is overtaken by an Iceberg Slim followers is the conundrum that can happen when you decide to hold your pussy, go on a dick diet, remain celibate or whatever you want to call it and one of these Ratbastards, ” Catches you on a good day!” Good day for them bad day for you!  ” Let me say it one mo gen, if you have been holding your pussy for a long period of time and you end up fucking one of these Iceberg Slim fakers you can and will end up in a dick haze so deep you might as well be on heroine. Once you orgasm you think you’re in love and once your brain releases those eurphoric chemicals- baby even the strongest women can literally lose their minds due to the psychological warfare these pimp students play on women’s mind. See you can be turned into a hoe and never walk a track or the streets, why ya bullshitn!

The saying, ” I take em from 8 to 80, blind cripple and crazy!” is real cuz no matter the age of a male who loves to use this mind fuckery you can find your mind being blown at any age. The confusion and damage ensued by these Ratbastards can lead to irreversible damage if you’re not certain of the Iceberg Slim Chicanery, The It’s Not Your Turn Wheel a Girl Game, A man wants to be in a committed relationship but just not with you- never knew the rules game. Once you learn the rules of engagement they may seem like hard pills to swallow. However, if you keep the wolves off you from the beginning you might survive the dating world without being swallowed whole.

Now hear my clearly, I have been the prey to this dude and a few others have tried to set traps for, little did they know the traps that they set for me would be the very ones they would be sitting in. Somebody should have told stupid ass Bridget greedy ass the game. When this same dude asked me, if I were willing to get a PO Box and put it in my name, I looked at him with the same aloothness as the day he said, ” It wasn’t me!” and  I replied, ” I don’t get down like that!” and as a recall my words I can vividly see Bridget hauling ass like she had a pack of wild banchees sniping at her as she tried to dodge the bullets the Mexican cowboys meant for Ty. But once again, that’s another story. That’s the biggest lesson to learn is you gotta draw the line before not after you meet these kinds of jokers or else you will be doing a bid, losing your mind and possibly your soul.

all the ways to love

13 Nov 2014, Belgrade, Serbia --- Love spelled with flowers --- Image by © Blend Images/Corbis

 

I found this wonderful brother named Ebrahim Aseem‘s blog called Real News and all I can say is this vanilla wafer complexioned man softens any and all parts of my heart that have been calcified due to heartbreak. While I love his views about relationships, Iyanla Vanzant‘s words ring in my head but none so powerfully than HBCUGRD commentary.

” I want a genuine safe relationship. But I also want complete sovereignty. I don’t want to live in the confines of traditional social expectations”-HBCUGRD. As Zo Williams says, ” I can smoke a bag of that!”

One of the reasons why I created my Disclaimer page is because folks can get real ignorant about other people’s opinions and choices and so I wanted to set the tone and stage for providing a safe place and space for people because often times than not in relationships- be it marriage, family blood ties or friendship these relationships are not soft places to land if we are being honest.

The other thing that sparked my interest is the idea of having to be perfect and deemed successful before being able to provide guidance and or give advice. If you aint been through nothing and or haven’t faced any challenges than how are you going to be able to provide a testimony? One of the things that I find so fascinating about some religious folks is there obstinate and resistance to people who’ve had colorful lives less just say and I love to remind them that the good book was filled with shady characters with checkered past yet somehow Jesus loved to keep company with these outcasts and misfits.

A heart of marigolds --- Image by © Johanna von Aesch/the food passionates/Corbis

Since I am able to honor and hold space for beauty and vulgarity at the same time and am aware that they are not mutually exclusive it brings to mind the idea of black love being a revolutionary act. It takes courage to love!

Never the less, where ever you fall on the spectrum I can only ask that as individuals we learn to create genuine safe spaces in relating to one another. And for those of you who have lost faith in Love ask God by whatever name you call him/her and if you pray to yourself because you have no reason to believe in anything higher than yourself than ask yourself to show you what love looks like so that you will never be confused, that you will be able to identify what it looks like in action, words and deeds and baby-you gon see, learn and know- if you have the courage to ask.

 

 

We gaslight ourselves!

Last week I went to dance class and for a split second, I thought I had traveled back to 9th grade.  As, I was putting my friends number in my cell phone, she began to introduce me to a man. Let’s call him Rob because I cannot remember his name.

I gave Rob a lukewarm greeting because I was already slightly annoyed because when I showed up to the class, there was a boat load of new people not wearing  lapas which meant, if the regulars didn’t show up I would have to carry the class and who got time for that? Who shows up to African dance class dressed like you bout to do Yoga…really?

Feeling some relief because Teresa had shown up to class, my reception to Rob became less anal by the end of our exchange, now mind you,  as we were being introduced, he was a distance away and as we exchanged greetings he walked further in the opposite direction.  As he walked away, a woman sitting to my left, in the nastiest tone said, ” Who do she think she is to be introducing her to my husband?” I looked at Teresa and she tried to act like she didn’t hear the women.

I took a deep breath, inhaled, exhaled, sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes, all while shaking my head. I thought to myself, “here we go!” The wife gets louder and more indignant as Teresa smiles and further ignores the woman’s outbursts.

I ain’t got the good sense God gave me, yells across the room ” I’m his wife! Anyway, Rob, how you know her?” Rob starts mumbling, ” I know her from Marieme’s class.” ” I thought you ain’t never been to Marieme’s class!”, the wife shoots back.

Is this really happening at dance class? I am now looking back and forth between the husband, wife and my friend fearing that things are about to turn violent and I am literally in the middle of the three of them. Again, I am sitting next to the wife, my friend is standing in front of me and the husband is now on the opposite side of Teresa.

My anxiety and my temperature start to rise because things are escalating and Teresa attempting to ignore the woman is like throwing gas on a fire. As if a broken record, she says, ” I’m his wife and I don’t play that polygamy 1, 2, 3, 4 wives, I ain’t wit that Muzlam shit! Who she thank she is to be introducing her to my husband, I’m his wife!”

I’m thinking to myself, why is she talking as if I am not in the room when I’m sitting next to her which starts to make me even more nervous, so I say to her ” No one knew he was your husband and I’m sorry you feel disrespected but how were we to know he is your husband, it’s not like you guys were sitting next to each other. My friend was simply being courteous by introducing us.”

” I’m his wife, I ain’t wit that sharing, I don’t play that!” This time, Teresa responded, ” Neither do I! I suppose she thought by saying this it would calm the wife down, oh but no, the woman got more ignorant and louder!

By this time the man was standing in front of Teresa, “I’m his wife!”, the woman kept saying. My stomach dropped and I felt a security breech and my internal security barricade Sibel and her home girls was like, ” You got this- cause if you don’t we can handle it! ” I pretty much have retired Sibel, her home girls and her cousins for fear that I might end up in Chachila Women’s Penitentiary.

And the fear of prison, increases my cognitive abilities cause you caint whoop ass and not catch a case no more, plus from all accounts from women I know who have been to jail- when you get arrested and are on your period they make you take off you pad and have to stand naked, dripping blood during the strip search, if there is no sanctity even when you are on your moon-you know it got to be a- BAD PLace. I digress… Can you make a weapon out of a bloody sanitary napkin?

Where was I , oh, to  appease the navy seals team inside me- I told the wife, “You’re safe, we do not want him, you do not have to worry, he is all yours!” I aint got a dam bit of sense, responds, ” Wasn’t nobody talking to you! I was talking to her!” My diplomacy went out the window and I reacted, with the force of a hurricane, ” But I’m talking to you, shit….. I don’t know what your dawn problem is!”

She then broke out her cell phone and starting saying, ” So we cussing now! And began to attempt to start recording me. By then the husband, was pleading and saying, ” Please ignore her, she is crazy!” I could not believe that- this women who clearly looked over the age of 52- who I knew- for sure- was packing and carrying an AARP card was acting a complete fool in public. In the words, of my Baba, ” Some people grow up and some people grow old!”

Exasperated, I got up and went to get the studio owners niece who was working the front desk. I told, Lula’s niece what was happening and I said, ” She gotta go!”

The niece, tried to reason with the woman but it was hopeless and after deep frustration, she told Marieme, “She got to go!” Several attempts by different people to get the wife to behave became futile and eventually she was put out but not before she told the niece, ” this aint the last you gon see or hear from me again!”

According to the niece, the mad wife had told her that I hugged and kissed her husband, that’s why she was so upset. But the niece knew she was lying because as she left the building she threw a pair of keys at her husband yelling, ” You ain’t got to sneak around no mo!”

As we looked on, Natasha said, ” she ain’t crazy by herself, he has made her crazy and be cheatin on her all the time- I bet!” I responded, “that may be true, but at what point do you choose sanity over bullshit?” And in that instance, Teresa, bursts out laughing, ” I didn’t know he was married, he been calling me!”

I will say it- until I am blue in the face, if all a woman does, is fuss, cuss and start fights with other women based on her man’s infidelity but stays in a relationship with him she is consenting to him cheating! The lies we tell ourselves is what drives us crazy-not cheating spouses! Not honoring and being honest with ourselves about what we want and need is what drives women INSANE!

 

 

A cure for mad love

 

 

I was 22 years old and I was madly in love. The kind of love that is compulsive, explosive, potent, and that leads straight into obsession. This love made me feel as if I had been possessed-overtaken. My brain was cloudy and I used to feel so out of control and it left me feeling helpless. It was if  my then lover had total control of my mind and held all the space in my heart and I felt my only solution to kill the potency of the juju my lover had placed on me called for me to love someone else.

As strange as it sounds, I felt as if I would die or lose my mind, if I did not give space and room for someone else in my heart. Ironically, my boyfriends mother told me that I needed to get another boyfriend. Whose mother would tell you to get another man? I remember saying, ” but I’m with your son!” Her thinking was it would balance me and it help me regain power over myself.

I ignored my own advise to myself and my boyfriends mother advise- until, my sanity was pushed to the tipping point one to many times for my taste. I remembering praying to fall in love with another man, I prayed to have this man rescue my heart from the abuse it was experiencing. And with that powerful prayer no more like a mandate, L.A. entered my life.

I watched him as he stood on the wall and in the corner, silent, yet he missed nothing. We had one of our get to gathers as usual, this time a new face appeared. I hadn’t really paid him any attention when he was introduced to me by his cousin who happened to be one of my childhood friends. But as his back hugged the wall in this bright canary yellow bumber, I could tell he was in deep thought and in need of relief. So I walked up to him and asked if he had eaten and if I could get him something to drink and he began to apologize.

“I didn’t bring anything. I should be asking you what you would like. Forgive my manners, I was taught to not come to anyone’s house empty- handed. Let me run to the store to get something. What would you like?” I responded, ” Bring back what ever is your favorite.” He left and came back and after I settled him in, we began the longest and deepest conversation I have ever had with anyone. As we sat face to face with our knees touching it felt as if we were the only two in the room. I felt as if I were floating in outer space and I felt as if I had reunited with a past love or someone I shared a bond with many life times ago.

It was one of the most surreal nights of my life and I felt as if he held a mysterious key and answers to so many questions I had about myself. He opened my heart and body completely and I surrendered to him without fear or judgment because he made me feel safe, wild and free!

I don’t know karate but I know crazy

 

I can’t remember how old I was when I saw the movie, ” Sweet Dreams” staring Jessica Lange and Ed Harris, I was certainly a little girl and I was mesmerized and caught up in the drama of the movie as if I was some loved crazed middle age woman and I clung to every word and movement of the characters played by Jessica and Ed. I imagined myself as the character’s and placed myself right into the screen and each time Jessica sang one of Patsy’s song I fell deeply in love with a man I had never known.

I cried during the whole movie as if I knew what the lyrics to the song meant, ” I go out walking”…..hell, I would have helped her find her man if it  put her out of her misery. I sang her song, ” Crazy” as if  I had known love like that. So after falling in love with Jessica Lange, Ed Harris and Patsy Cline, I had resolved they were the best in the business.

To this day, I have yet to hear anyone sing ” Crazy ” as good or better as Pasty.  Although, I have not lost love for Pasty, I have lost my love of crazy love. Being crazy in love, appears the only time it is reasonably acceptable to be “Crazy”. Don’t get me wrong DMX’s ” Party Up” is a song many of us can relate to, however, how many of us would have had the courage to be able to express those kinds of emotions and language in his song without feeling some ridicule from onlookers. And as I write this- my heart goes out to DMX who has been publicly battling mental illness and drug addiction since he was a teen.

There is a romantic, nostalgic dance when crazy is associated with love but couple it with anything else and it’s met with the spookyness of the boogeyman or the cucuy, nothing- most people want to deal with. If people took interest and treated mental illness the way my toddler son and then husband stood transfixed to the T.V. in the middle of the living room with deep captivated penetration as Beyoncé jiggled her juicyness in her video ” Crazy in Love”, I’m certain the mental health care in America would be #1 in the world.

And since it’s not, one must take matters in their own hands and that begins with being Sane in Love, Whole in Love, Safe in Love, Happy in Love, Fearless in Love, having Peace of Mind in Love and first deeply in love and in blissfully in like with oneself. According to Lamp Community founder Mollie Lowery-there are 3 major factors that determine mental health: 1. environment, 2. DNA and 3. dopamine. Get Involved

Alternative Mental Health Resource is a site which helps break down mental disorders and their links to nutrition.

You can have my husband but please don’t mess with my man

Three people on wedding cake --- Image by © C.J. Burton/Corbis

 

I got a phone call from someone I hadn’t heard from in a while.  I knew the only reason they were calling was because something was wrong. The bottom line for this call was the person found out their boyfriend was cheating on them and had been confronted by the other woman. During, the conversation of high pitches, moans, groans and deep sighs, she informed me that the two of them had heated conversations that was leading up to violence.

My associate felt betrayed because the woman had known all about her and knew all of her business, including her secrets, yet she didn’t feel as if her boyfriend had violated her  and she took issue with the female. As I listened, it seemed like a scenario from one of the Housewives reality shows. I had the strong feeling she called me for back up for the rumble that was bound to happen between these two females.

What the hell was I supposed to do, everyone had warned her for years about her cassonova lover, it wasn’t as if he did a good job of hiding his  other women but I can only assume she assumed she was his main woman until she was smacked with the truth. It’s one thing to be cheated on and another thing all together when you are informed by another woman as she lays next to your so-called man that in fact-she has known about you the entire time and has been his woman for over 10 years.

During the next few months, there were more terrorist threats, arguments back and forth between the two women with the man present, stalking of one another and eventually a brawl -again -with the man present during our second conversation.

“So we grown grown and we fighting over a dude?”, is what I said to her. She replied coyly, ” No, I wasn’t fighting over a man, I was fighting because she was talking about me and my business!” I asked her, ” How does she know your business?” That was a rhetorical question- why on earth was she be mad at this woman and not her boyfriend?

The rest of the conversation went like this…….”I asked her why are either of you fighting because both are you are still sleeping with and seeing him despite the fact that you both now know about each other? Neither of you is willing to give him up so I am confused as to what the issue is-she has known and accepted the fact you were his woman so what is the fighting all about? You both have silently agreed to share this man -so why not just make peace?”

I have grown up around polygamy my entire life so I am used to seeing women share the same man and get along perfectly and not so perfectly however everyone knows their role and position. So many woman pretend that finding out about another woman is a deal breaker when in fact-it is not. So let’s stop pretending it is.

It is a known fact that women cheat just as much as men do, but for some reason both sexes would rather keep their extra lovers in the shadow, primarily because no one wants the added responsibility of what it would mean if they were transparent. I am not necessarily advocating for polygamy however, I am advocating for open discussions as to how we address the issue of the strong desire to be with other people besides our mates.