Category "How to get to having!"

Hook-ups gone wild!

Hook-ups gone wild and or wrong seems to be the theme for many women who are sexually active. I myself struggled for many years preferring sex over intimacy.  Because I had a fear of commitment that was rooted in childhood. As a result of being treated as property or as if I were an object – along with various other events in my life- made me want to always have men at a distance. It was terrible that I wanted to run…that panic would set in after spending 2 days with a man and I literally would want to jump out of my skin.

Even if I  was madly in love with my a man- I still couldn’t quail the anxiety I would feel when he wanted to be close and affectionate towards me on a deep level. Who knew my brain was being high-jacked? My brain and body felt men were unsafe and they both had good reason to believe so. With this in mind, I have a book recommendation that I feel needs to read by any woman who struggles to allow men to be close to her, although she will have sex with them.

Read, “Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy” Why women settle for one-sided relationships, by Jill P. Weber


Assume you can ask for anything

Assume you can ask for anything_ L Babcock & S Laschever


Let’s do an experiment, start asking for things you would never normally ask for things from the smallest to the most audacious. Do it for a minimum of 21 days and record your findings.


The 1st step toward having!


“Women (…) have been encouraged since they were children to be dependent to an unhealthy degree. Any woman who looks within knows that she was never trained to be comfortable with the idea of taking care of herself, standing up for herself, asserting herself. At best she may have played the game of independence, inwardly envying the boys (and later the men) because they seemed so naturally self-sufficient.

It is not nature that bestows this self-sufficiency on men; it’s training. Males are educated for independence from the day they are born. Just as systematically, women are taught that they have an out – that someday, in some way, they are going to be saved. That is the fairy tale, the life-message (…) We may venture out on our own for a while. We may go away to school, work, travel; we may even make good money, but underneath it all there is a finite quality to our feelings about independence. Only hang on long enough, the childhood story goes, and someday someone will come along to rescue you from the anxiety of authentic living. (The only savior the boy learns about is himself.)”
Colette Dowling, The Cinderella Complex: Women’s Hidden Fear of Independence




Why are women so fearful? The answer to that question lies at the root of The Cinderella Complex. (…) Many women achieve a certain amount of success in their careers and professions and still remain inwardly insecure. In fact (…), it’s remarkable how many women these days retain a hidden core of self doubt while performing on the outside as if they were towers of confidence. (…)
Lack of confidence seems to follow us from childhood (…) No matter how fiercely we try to live like adults – flexible, powerful and free – that girl-child hangs on (…). The effects of such insecurity are widespread, and they result in a disturbing social phenomenon: women in general tend to function well below the level of their native abilities. For reasons that are both cultural and psychological – a system that doesn’t really expect a great deal from us, in combination with our own personal fears of standing up and facing the world – women are keeping themselves down.
Colette Dowling, The Cinderella Complex: Women’s Hidden Fear of Independence


How bitches are made!

Image result for how bitches are made


Last week -I discussed, the difference between having and wanting. Today, I am going to talk about ” going without” and “doing without”. According to, the horse whisper of men Alison Armstrong -women are socialized and in some cases are biologically wired to put up with things that are not working for them.  And will sacrifice themselves and give up and go without, hoping that in the end they will get a commitment or receive the outcome they desired!

Now I want you to really think about that for a moment. We give up what we need and want in the moment for a future return with no guarantees of a return. How much energy do we expend in this kind of behavior? If as women, we are forgoing ” having” what we need and desires- what effect does that have on you as a person? Now add the amount of time you’ve ” gone without” and ” done without”-how has that effected you?

Sit with this for a minute until you get some answers and see if you come to the same conclusion I came to……..” This some Bullshit!”


Fuck wanting! How do we get to having!!

I have not been writing on my blog for weeks now. Because something has unearthed me and vexed my spirit to the point that I have been all in my head. As a result, I have been in  deep curiosity as to how I got on this journey of wanting people to have what they want.

Ok,  lets talk about wanting…..from all of the experts and spiritual guru past and present it appears that wanting is going to keep you in want and not having.  According to Google search want means:


  1. Have a desire to possess or do ( something); wish for
  2. (Archaic)  Lack or be short of something desirable or essential


  1. ( Archaic) A lack or deficiency of something
  2. A desire for something

When the sages speak to not standing in wanting , if you look at the definitions, the definition that is most appropriate would be the so-called archaic definition. Considering, the sages all agree when you stand in wanting or lament in wanting then you stay wanting.

Now, one of the reasons I love looking up the meaning of words is because words are powerful. According to, some wise person; ” Everything that comes out of your mouth is a prayer”. And the one thing; I caution people with- is playing in the spirit world  without the proper guidance or knowledge and so many of us including myself have been using words not knowing their true meaning or origin.




Consequently, when we say ” I want a new house” ” We want a new house” what we are really saying is; ” I lack a new house” now multiply that times how many times you think and say, ” I want a new house”- which actually translates to “I lack a new house”. Yep chew on that for a minute!

So what is the difference from wanting and having?  Let’s take a look at the word “have “closer. ( If you clicked the word having you were brought to a link that gave the etymology of the word) Google defines, have as follows:


  1. possess, own, or hold
  2. experience; undergo
  3. (my favorite) used with a past participle to form the perfect pluperfect and future past tenses and the conditional mood. Esp, I have finished

Noun Informal

  1. people with plenty of money and possessions

Since my brain has been overloaded with experiences and constant thoughts I’m going to leave you with this and I will be back to add-on. I need a brain break to clearly explain where I’m going from here. Peace and Blessings. Be well on your road to having!