Category "How to get what you want"

Fakers and shakers

 

Bad, Girls, and Memes: I MAY BE A BAD GIRL, BUT I'M A DAMN GOOD WOMAN

“You make me sick!”,  is an infamous phrase from the hood. And right now that is how I’m feeling about these Dr’s and so-called experts on whatever the hell they suppose to be experts on but ain’t got an original thought on shit! I won’t even name them by name because I refuse to give them credit or help people make money that steal from other people and then turn around  and  sale they shit! It reminds me of girls from the hood who’d run back and say, ” your man  ain’t no good!” while all the while trying to fuck him and proudly be his side chic!

If I read one more post, article or book on the so-called Bad Girl but we the Good Girl gon take her ” spells” that’s a quote from the Good Doctor. I’m like….. really….. Bad Girls ain’t shit but they need the Bad Girls Playbook cuz the Good Girl caint even get his attention….. side eye! Who they think they fooling with the we don’t want to be them but we gone use they shit to take em down!

How many men have been tricked by these fakers and shakers only to wife these so called good girls up, give em babies and then somewhere down the line…… the real them comes out and it turns out that she was pretending to be somebody else but by the time he figured it out it was too late and now he scared to leave cuz he don’t want to be on child support or pay alimony!

 

 I always behave .... just not necessarily well.

Let me quote some Bad Girls!:

  1. Don’t hate me cuz you ain’t me_White Chicks
  2. Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring_Marilyn Monroe
  3. I used to be scared of the Dick, now I throw lips to the shit_Lil Kim
  4. Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don’t have time_Tallulah Bankhead
  5. When I’m good I’m very, very good but when I’m bad I’m better_Mae West
  6. You got to always have a spare tire cuz you dont know when you gon catch a flat_Doll Baby

 

 

I am not standing in line to spend time with anybody!

 

 

I have an extremely busy Man Friend named Jay who is a Director and Producer in Hollywood; whose schedule is mad crazy and busy. He is constantly traveling all over the nation and world for business and pleasure. Although he is very busy, at some point and time I let him know that it was important to me that he make time for our relationship. I was patient in the beginning of our friendship when he allowed his schedule to dictate rather or not we spent time together.

 

I told him at some point I understood his hectic schedule, however if we were going to continue to be friends then we would have to work something out amongst ourselves that fully met the needs of us both.And so we started scheduling dates and times when we would have conversations. Depending on how long it had been since we had spoken on the phone our conversations would be scheduled for 30 minutes to an hour.

 

At first it seemed odd to schedule a date and time to dialogue with a friend, however after time, it became easy and I looked forward to talking to him. In between our scheduled talks we began setting face to face dates in advance. Opening up may calendar and blocking off time with Jay began to make me feel special and our time together is always fun and relaxing even though we are not in a romantic relationship.

 

When I made the declaration that I wanted to have a give and take relationship and that him being present was a requirement in order for our friendship to blossom.  I let him know that I needed to talk to him and spend time with him and while I understood his schedule was busy……I refused to accept it as an excuse as to why we could not talk and spend time together. Once I made the declaration, he asked me to get my calendar out and we planned our first scheduled conversation and our first scheduled lunch date where I agreed to have lunch with him at his desk and from there things have taken off!

 

Again planning a telephone conversation seems odd at first however over time it becomes fun and relaxing, it gives us time to miss each other so when we do talk it’s effortless. And when we schedule face to face meetings each time we see each it’s always at a new and different location and we reveal more and more of ourselves because it feels safe! ” You either have results or excuses!”, says Veronica Conway. And she is correct! Ask for what you want and need in any relationship be it romantic, friendship or family. And if a date, time and place are not set rather it is made in the future or the spot than you run the risk of not getting what you want or need.

 

I am not waiting in line to spend time with anybody….I don’t give a fuck who they are….. mama, daddy, brother, sister, cousin, friend or lover….. From time to time I like to share the pick up artist  and Iceberg Slim chicanery because dudes be winning! So why settle on waiting and losing, when you can write your own rules!

 

 

How you became a Loser Magnet!

Have you ever been on a job and you did most of the work and as a result,  the company exceeded all their bottom line goals. The Sales Team and Managers all received bonuses each time goals were met. He’ll you even worked so hard your work helped get one sales person in your department the Employee of the Year Award with an all exclusive paid trip to New York City with a week stay at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel. And after a year or more of exceeding sales goals from your supporting role they call you in the office and tell you-you didn’t do shit and offer you a .14 cent raise. What would you do?

When I think of this and many other times that black women do more than everybody but seldom reap the benefits-I wonder how Venus and Serena Williams feel when they changed the game and the look of tennis, looking juicy and fabulous while they whooped everybody asses only to watch  Losers being compensated handsomely while Venus and Serena monetary compensations, the respect and admiration for their skills are met with the same shit many black females receive from over working and outperforming all the while looking like they stepped off the pages of Vanity Africa only to be brought into offices to receive  bad reviews, no respect and poor compensation while everybody else stay winning off her hard work.  Never in the history of tennis and fashion have more money been made than when these two sisters took over but they might as well had been offering the Williams sisters the same funky ass .14 cents they offered my girl.

My entire life I had been socialized that I had to be 2 times better than white girls, that I had to work twice as hard as white girls to even be considered for the same opportunities and while I had to be better than white folks I also had to serve black men and the community as a moral obligation to the race. Well after out working and outperforming all the white folks on my jobs (both male & female) and after having become an Olympic Gold Medalist Servant. Yes you heard that right if they had an Olympics for serving and catering to muthafuckas I would be a world renown champion 10 times over!

Now hear me clearly no matter how well I was trained to serve I draw the line, I ain’t co-signing for shit, putting a negro through school, paying child support for a dude, I ain’t paying a negroes rent or mortgage, I ain’t buying a negro a car or other outlandish things women do for men that are not their husbands (When I was 19 I let my boyfriend who later became my husband, yes please give me the side eye drive my car and that negro was picking up girls and taking them on dates) Contrary to popular belief, the Hood has value-some lessons you learn growing up in the hood you ain’t gone git nowhere else that are worth their weight in gold!

The day I saw Terry drop them dawn kids of her off on the curb wit they clothes in trash bags with the warm embrace and smile from their father as she peeled off hitting the corner on two tires I learned then that ain’t nobody gone give you a break you got to get it yourself without asking for permission cause people like to keep you in position where you constantly losing and they winning!

With this in mind, I  have been trying to find a transformational resource for women who suffer from being a Nice Girl, stuck in the Good Girl Complex not having fun, not getting what they want. He’ll not even being aware of what they want besides the things society tells a woman she should want or need.  I wanted to find a resource for women who languished in deprivation who had been socialized to worship men and take care of men often times getting nothing in return but heartache, headaches, and lowered  self-esteem!  I wanted to find an aunt who had lived long enough who would finally tell the truth so that we could finally- be winning since most females are kept in their places only to be taught how to be loser magnets by their own mothers, other women and their family members!

 

Excuse the look but this is my Sunday ritual

I rarely recalled my father talking bad about my mother even after they divorced. He would merely say, ” You do not know your mother the way that I know her!  The worst thing he ever said was he hated that she went to sleep in ugly night clothes with face cream on. He felt it was a complete turn off and he made me vow never to go to bed in sweats and or in ugly night clothes. Let’s just say, I didn’t keep that promise, however I did start buying and wearing lingerie in my late teens and because of my paternal grandmother I love pajamas and house clothes.

With this in mind there seems to be a growing resentment among men, especailly the Beta Males against women and while I have no problem with men expressing their wants, needs, and desires and their lack of receiving it-I do find it extremely unappealing the way many are bitching, moaning and griping  and while  as a woman I can go from sugar to shit in a blink of an eye I do not want my man to behave like a female. Please just tell me what you want, what I am doing wrong and I will make an honest effort to fix it but dam it, there doesn’t need to be a movement.

Those of us who care are listening, so please stop with the nonsense and so after some long informal research it appears that  one of the biggest complaints men have of women is that we are ungrateful. Men talk of taking women on dates and after paying for dates they don’t even receive a simple gracious sincere, “Thank You!” It boils down to not feeling appreciated and once a man doesn’t feel appreciated he does not feel inclined to do more for a woman.

I’m certain my Ex-Husband could and would put me in this category of women because often times I would be ungrateful towards the things he would give me and do for me. At the time, I felt no since of gratitude because he was consistent in giving me things I didn’t ask for. I would ask for specific things and even go so far as to tell him where to find them. If I asked for intangible  things I would describe in-depth why I needed and wanted it but some how or another he wound never get me or give what I asked for.

I will say that he had intentions of trying to make me happy. He interviewed elders in his family and in the community and time and time again he was given the sage advice, “Just give her what she wants!” These were men and women well in their 60’s, 70’s and 80’s who had been married for 30 to 50 years so you would think they knew a thing or two of how to stay married and keep a woman happy.

To my dismay, he was adamant about the elders being wrong -mind you his own grandfather had given him the same advise and he looked me dead in the face and told me, ” NOPE that aint the answer, they had it wrong and continued to not give me what I wanted and needed. I used to scratch my head because I was like here is a man bright enough, willing enough to go talk to and search for answers to make me happy and receive the answer over and over yet not be willing to use the answers to solve his problems or make his life better.

Who knows had I been able to be grateful and thankful for the things my Ex-Husband would give and do for me although they were not wanted what I desired- he may have eventually given me what I wanted. Had I perfected at least 5 ways to say thank you while cleaning the house in a string bikini who knows what I could have receieved. I got this idea from my cousin after she recalled the events of her day. She was greeted at the door by her client wearing a carnery yellow bikini with dish washing gloves on her hands. She told my relative, ” come right in, excuse the look but this is my Sunday ritual I clean the bathroom in my bikini, it keeps my husband’s attention and motivates me to stay in shape!”  As she  wisked my cousin to the study room where she tutored the vixen’s daughter, the savy women’s husband kissed her on the cheek as he gleefully left the house. She coilfully looked at my cousin and said, ” He’s going to get me something I asked for!”, with a big smile on her face.

31 different languages to say Thank You 

 

You may want something but not be ready for it

You might as well stay with the man  you are with and learn the lessons you need to learn because if you don’t you will end up with the same man in a different pair of pants -Hae Kung Lee

 

Learning how to get what you want comes down to the silent agreements we make with people-the silent contracts. One of the biggest mistakes most people make is throwing a relationship away thinking that they are going to get better and that they deserve better. You may-in fact deserve better however, if you cannot handle the relationship you are in currently-chances are you will be no more successful in the next. Not to mention, you may want something but not be ready for it.

For example, my ex husband had this line he frequently said that started as a mumble and as his emotions grew would turn into an outburst. ” You always tyrna run shit, you ain’t runnin shit!” What usually followed with this mumbling statement  was destructive patterns of  behaviors that would sabotage and destroy the goal, plan and work that would benefit us all. I would have to reset or go through several goals and plans only to work in vain because no matter how much I explained that there was a Mutual Benefit in cooperating,  for some reason his brain perceived it as a threat. In his mind, I was the enemy, I wasn’t to be trusted.

It didn’t really register to me- until after we divorced that the ways in which we grew up had impacted our relationship. I grew up in a 2 parent household where my father was the head of the house. I later realized that my mother was the head strategist. My father was a natural hustler and he had a niche for creating opportunities to make money even during difficult times. I watched my mother’s brilliance as she created plans to help my father win. He did what my mother suggested and as a result he won big.

No shade or blame, my ex husband grow up in a single household where his mother was the ruler and since there was not a constant presence of a man his mother made him the man of the house, he became her stand in husband. Imagine being a 9 year old and having to take up the responsibilities of a grown man, add the crack epidemic and a young 9 year old not only becomes the husband his mother never had, he becomes the active nurturer, provider and caregiver to younger siblings without participating fathers. I had not seriously thought about the family dynamics either of us had encountered growing up. I naïvely believed love would conquer all!

It took me a long time to learn that I had silently agreed to be my ex husband defender, provider and protector because of his background. I had sacrificed myself so many times so that he could win. I was often frustrated and would plead desperately for him to honor his word and follow the plan so that I could finally win.

I never looked at it from a logical perspective:

  • Why would he want things to change he was winnning
  • Things changing meant that he would have to learn and do new things
  • Things changing would mean that he would no longer be the center of attention
  • I was asking him to step into the unknown
  • Change insights fear

Please believe I wasn’t this insightful when I wanted make the shift, so I went about shit- ass hole backwards and I had to throw the baby out with the bath water because he refused to mutually agree to make the shift. He thought I had gone insane, reflecting back, why wouldn’t he…. he was the focus and his needs were getting met for almost 20 years- I hadn’t required or asked for much. I didn’t even sweat him into marrying me the way most women did men.

By the time, I looked up my youth had passed me by and the only thing I had cared about most of my life was making him happy. For a long time, I received joy from making him happy. Yet, he didn’t seem interested in me winning, hell truth be told I didn’t see myself winning so how could he. By the time I wanted to win, things had been cemented and the last resort was a Kill Bill situation minus the gore and violence but that’s another story. Who knew telling a man- you were no longer interested in doing things in  the same way would lead to such vengeance.

So when you decide that things aren’t working in your relationships whether its a romantic relationship, a business relationship or a family relationship please do not be naïve if and when you decide that you want to shift the relationship so that you benefit more. I beg of thee- to Not be surprised if there is  push back and or a war ensues. Please think long and hard  about all the silent agreements-all the silent contracts you made and how long they were in effect before you make a move. This can and will save you a lot of money, heartbreak and pain when you take full responsibility and inventory as to how you played the biggest part in not getting what you wanted.

 

 

Dirty Mackin & Dry Snitchn

 

I tell my son,  as if it were a song- that there is a fine line between  being a gentleman, a brute and a coward.  As I think about this statement- it is the only way I can describe the lines that can be blurred if a man does not define his own manhood. For the mother’s who have had to cut the apron strings way before we desired- seeing as our sons asked for permission to go live with their fathers.-most if not all of us- reluctantly said, ” Yes” fearing that their fathers lacked the ability to parent our boys due to their own personal limitations. Because many of them had not be raised by their own fathers and some with physically present but absent fathers it makes it difficult to release them.

As our sons bid us  good-bye we sit vigilantly as witnesses of the process to maturation into manhood with their fathers who were  and who have all too often been ” intimate terrorists” to us -as women. So we wonder if they will make it out as a whole man ; when we ourselves ; despite the lack of trying- had not encountered a whole man. But who are we to hold our sons back, who are we to deny them the opportunity to get to know their fathers on an intimate level when they crave the bond with their fathers like we need air to breathe.

“That nigga ain’t shit!” is a sneaky declaration that over time erodes self-confidence. At the same time, if you want to see people act crazy in the hood-then watch 2 people fall in love and folks start to lose their minds! I  have to ask myself how many of my romantic relationships have missed being poisoned by onlookers. For that reason,  we need not be surprised of the people doing the poisoning…… brothers, so-called best friends, fathers’, cousins, the homies. When the creeping message is whispered, chanted and begins to turn into a yell when you refuse to relinquish your love the-” He ain’t shit!” gets louder and more violent.

The act of betrayal is thrown about as if you should have had e,s.p. Negros that you have been around for 20 years, mad at the nigga that got you in a day. The ” Who he thank he is…….. That nigga ain’t shit!” is code word for saying who is deserving of what.  Looking back the only thing I can think of that any of the chosen ones did wrong was being able to say” Yes” to themselves, that I deserve to have what I want. They opened up their mouths and asked for what they wanted while the unchosen sat around for days, months and years-never opening their mouths to ask for what they wanted yet they stand on the side lines and begin to tear a brothas character down aka dirty mackin so you won’t like him any more because they are jealous and secretly believe “he got too much that he already don’t deserve” and so you begin to doubt your choice because you to  come from………..

” The dysfunction that when whatever you want to be is always a NO!”- bell hooks

So when I hear OG’s and triple OG’s saying that a young man ain’t shit I confront them and ask what have they done and what could they do to mentor the young man. I challenge them instead of dry snitchin on his business- I ask  “Why don’t you show him how to avoid some of the mistakes and pitfalls you’ve made in your life?” Whenever a man is able to say” that nigga ain’t shit!”- he is really saying to  himself-” I ain’t shit!”

And days like this when I feel like a motherless child in need of nurturing there are times when you have to look in unexpected places to find love, nurturing and the language to describe the feelings and experiences that you cannot find the words for and at these times, you find mothers who did not give birth to you and may have never given birth to their own children yet who never the less know how to make you feel loved, heard and understood as if you sat in her womb. To all the women who mother us when our own mothers aren’t capable or are no longer here!

 

 

 

The courage to go after what she wants to get her needs met even if it’s taboo?

It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission-Brian

 

Mother and daughter gardening --- Image by © Monalyn Gracia/Corbis

 

I admire my girlfriends’ courage to go after what she wants to get her needs met even if it’s taboo. After many years of actively listening and participating emotionally in people’s deepest desires and longing to be loved I’ve come to understand that the stigma and the label of  a ” Cheater” may be too superficial. I am not condemning cheating nor am I endorsing cheating . However, I am trying to understand the behavior and the emotions that lead to people seeking to have their needs by someone other than their partners.

I had a cheating husband and while I wasn’t happy about him sleeping with other women I did not feel devastated  nor  did I feel as if it were a betrayal ( with exception of one occasion because dam it there are just some lines you don’t cross but that’s another story. What irritated me were the lies and the mind games he played on me and the fact he used me to get outside pussy was feeble- the  ” I’m not happy at home routine!” used to reel these women in- made my ass itch!” I dared any woman to try and live in my shoes or do all the work I did. Hell, if they thought they could do a better than job I felt like  come on over go for it.

That being said, to just diminish him and or other cheaters I know down to scoundrels seems slightly unfair. So when someone I know very well began to stray from her husband with another man whom I could clearly see was no better or worse than her husband-I waited for the opportunity to dig deeper into her behavior and what she revealed was that she felt alone and felt that she had been abandoned by her husband continuously  and although she wanted to know how to be in a place where she could make her husband feel needed her early history of having to be independent and strong left little space in time to allow for waiting to have her needs met, especially the basic ones.

Not to mention, despite counseling and therapy before they married and during their marriage her husband had grounded himself in resistance. His passive aggressive behavior was often the tool he used to control and set off her triggers-further excusing him from having to meet her needs. As I reflect on this, I am reminded of the notion that so often men feel as if women should be above cheating because somehow we desire or need sex less than men and while I know most affairs are not primarily about sex the idea that we are held to a higher moral standard is just complete nonsense.

I secretly wished I had the courage to get my needs met when I was married even if it wasn’t from my husband. In all the judgments that are made about cheaters no one would ever deny a baby or a child getting their needs met, yet as adults the thinking goes that because one has reached adulthood having your needs met should be considered less important. That by all means, you’re an adult you should be able to go without and suffer through.

I used to believe I didn’t cheat on my husband because I cared about my role as a wife, despite his shenanigans  or that if I would  have cheated on him it would have been about not getting my financial needs met and that would seem like prostitution however in hindsight I would have been seeking refuse, safety, respite, protection and devotion which were my top unmet needs in my marriage and I had kept it superficial so I wouldn’t step out because to admit that your spouse did not have the capacity to meet those needs was something way to painful to admit.

And so you have to ask yourself as a woman:

  • How long is a woman supposed to wait for a man to fill her needs before it turns into neglect? Considering they say a man wants and needs to feel needed by a woman.
  • And if a man needs to feel appreciated and a woman goes out of her way to appreciate a man repeatedly but he seems to not appreciate her appreciation of him what is she to do?

Getting what you want when you want it

” Are you ready?” Klaus asked finally

” No” Sunny answered

” Me neither”, Violet said

” But if we wait until were ready we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives, Let’s go!”- Lemony Snicker, The Ersatz Elevator

 

Rome visit, June 2008 - 57

 

” You expect me to give you what you want when you want it!  You expect me to do things when you ask me to! ” I used to ignore my initial reaction in my body when the men in my life made these statements; in resistance to giving me what I wanted when I asked for something. Although my body was telling me one thing, it seemed my mind and body were at odds. Could it have been all the social programming that “good girls” wait!  I was done waiting, especially when the things I was asking for were reasonable and in reach.

That being said,  I walked away from a would be relationship after let’s call him Jeff decided to confess his desire and love for me. He decided to make his move out of fear that I would be taken and he would lose the chance and the courage to come after me seeing as he had been secretly pining over me for years. Strangely enough he wasn’t the only man whom I had friendships with who began to talk of wanting a romantic relationship that led to marriage with me.

Jeff is a good guy so I decided to hear the brotha out and we began spending time together and not too long after we started dating he started hymnin and hawing about needing to get some things straight before we continued the courting process. Seeing as I felt Jeff was a good guy it took me by surprise when he started back peddling. I gave it a slight moment, more like second and then without hesitation I ended our brief courtship.

Two years had passed and needless to say, we recently had a conversation and he said, “he was both hurt and angry when I told him to fuck off.”  He went on to say that he was genuine in his feelings for me and his intentions were true. ” I was going to give you what you wanted I just could not give it to you when you wanted it, you wanted it right then! You expected me to give you what you wanted when you wanted it!”

I responded, ” When should I expect to get what I want? I told him, ” If, you asked me for something I would give it to you right now.” He looked at me as if him getting what he wanted immediately seemed reasonable but somehow he was confused in my desire to receive in the present moment. He went on to say that if I had waited until he got things in order then I could have gotten what I wanted. My response to him was, ” You should have came with your things already in order or you should have been willing to have a courtship and get your affairs together simultaneously- I wasn’t waiting on you!”

Jeff reminded me in our conversation that although I said, I was open to the relationship I came fully armed and armored and that it was difficult for him to get me to open up. As he spoke I looked him in his eyes and I listened as he told me some not so great things about myself and how I had deeply hurt him with my assumptions about him being full of shit. He also told me wonderful things about myself, how my natural nature was sweetness and how I had allowed my past environments, family and friends betrayals to keep me in a state of self-defense ready for war. The four year war for my liberation through a messy and ugly divorce had taken it’s toll, yet I had refused to drop my weapons-my weapons had become friends or so I thought.

Jeff seemed perplexed that I was not able to take him seriously and was offended that I thought so little of his true desire and love for me. He went on to say, ” Anyone woman he loves should know that he loves her without having to say it!” I’m like-how the hell I’m I supposed to know that without you saying it?  I’m like- you would have to tell me or communicate it in such a way that I know I’m loved. Who is going to assume someone loves them? Anyway, despite our initial misunderstandings I sat and actively listened to him and learned that men have deep feelings even if they do not express them. I had to apologize for hurting his feelings, however I wasn’t apologizing for refusing to wait. It seemed because I had refused to wait he wanted me even more.

Ladies, Demand What You Want

 

 

 

What is the message you send when you wear “I give up shoes!”

 

Woman in high heels and panties on all fours --- Image by © Scott Schafer/cultura/Corbis

I love a good saying if you hadn’t notice more than likely because my parents had the best sayings that I’m certain would make great sound bites-so when I heard relationship expert Michelle Marchant Johnson tell the story of her shopping experience with her husband it got me to thinking. The relationship expert was shopping at DSW with her husband and as she tried on a pair of shoes he said something I found fascinating.

It went something like this, he’s sitting down pretending to be somewhat interested as she tries on shoes and his heart drops from fear because he sees his wife put on a pair of shoes as he describes as, ” I give up shoes!” I’m paraphrasing but he says, ” Honey, those shoes say that, ” You give up!” Scared his middle age wife will turn into his frumpy first wife I can see him screaming in slow motion….NOOOOOOOOOO!

Sexy Woman Sitting on the Bed --- Image by © Helen King/Corbis

Being a lady of a certain age and not snagging a husband until she hit her 40’s she dropped those shoes as if she were holding a hot potatoe-smart woman she was. I’m not sure if she was his second wife for real but if my memory serves me best she was. It’s one thing if you get married and your husband turns you from  a dime piece into a mud duck and another if you just give up because you got the man and stopped fixing yourself up and or let yourself go.

So for weeks and months each time I put a pair of shoes on, I would ask myself, if I had on I give up shoes and damn it I had to admit yes, although most of the shoes in my closet were sexy or come fuck me shoes. But how often did I wear any of them. I remember going to Charli’s Boutique looking for closed in shoes because it was getting cold in Los Angeles not really but cold to us real warm to the rest of the country on the onset of winter. Who I am I fooling you can wear flip-flops year round. We wear jackets and coats in l.a. with flip-flops, UGG boots and shorts year round yet, I heard my Yeye in my head and felt the need to go buy closed in shoes only to be met with a plethora of toes out six-inch heels that yelled and screamed the opposite of ” I give up!”

Was I old, I thought looking for closed in shoes, the sales lady looked disgusted with me as if I should feel some kind of shame. I wanted to say fuck you I have plantar fascitis code word I needed orthopedic shoes that cost about $300 a pop that went far beyond, ” I give up!” Who the hell is going to buy a dozen pair of ugly ass shoes at that price to look as if you’re wearing a neon says that reads, ” Out of Order!” and I don’t mean for disorderly conduct. It just so happens I received an alternative to ugly $300 shoes but that’s another story.

The sales woman looked at me and tossed her Indian hair weave and I read her mind and she said, shame, shame, I don’t care what kind of foot condition you have no woman seriously looking for a man or desiring the attention of a man would be running around in, ” I give up shoes!” And for a short second I felt humiliated because I had on a pair of tennis shoes that my son talked about so bad and I didn’t even raise my children on name brands so if your generic brand upbringing son says you’re wearing what amounts to be, ” I give up shoes!” you have to acquiesce.

Tix tix, I know better because my father taught me to over dress so I would be ready for any occasion especially when I went on a date with a man.  I don’t know what happens to some women after they start having children and raising families, both marriage and divorce some how puts a significant amount of women in some type of trance that they lose themselves and the desire to be sexy and feminine.

I am amazed that men pay so much attention to women’s shoes but they do and the shoes you are wearing send powerful messages. What messages are you sending out? My friend D was complaining about his wife not exercising and having let herself go over the years and he said,” But if we get a divorce her ass going to be going to the gym and some mo shit to get a man cause she gon have to compete with other women so why not put the effort in trying to keep the man you have?” I thought he made a great point.