Category "Knuckle Up and Guard Your Grill"

Tall, Dark and Handsome


Woman Leaning Against Low Rider --- Image by © Sonja Pacho/Corbis

This post is dedicated to Quincy. I miss you so much sweetie. I can’t remember what age we were when Quincy got killed maybe it was 10th grade I would have to ask somebody. I used to love staring at Quincy, he excited me, Quincy knew how to make you feel good about yourself. He would say, ” Hey Lady!” whenever he greeted me. When Quincy spoke to you he spoke to your heart your spirit. Have you ever been kissed all over you face? That’s how he made you feel, soothed, safe, disarmed, calm and relaxed.

He had a remarkable sensuality where he would make you feel pretty, he would arouse you to be soft and light and growing up in the hood there were not many times where you could be feminine, you had to be hard just to stay alive. But those moments with Quincy made you feel alive, magnetic. When he complemented you it was from a genuine place you never felt like he was coming on to you. If he lived long enough I think he would have been attracted to older women because he was way too mature and wise for his age.

Thinking of the excitement Quincy inspirited in me reminds me of the day I first met and saw Indigo. Omg, he was black and he had the most beautiful teeth. I was literally yelling with excitement, ” You are so cute! you are so black!” At first he was looking at me like I was crazy because I was excited as a kid who is the one to hit and bust open the pinata at a party, you know how the kids scream and clamor wildly to get the candy, well that’s how excited I was.

I must have lost my mind with exhiliration because I touched his face with both of my hands, looking back I had completely violated the boy, did I ask him if it was ok to touch him , you already know the answer. As this was happening my best friend was looking at me in complete awe because I don’t like nobody. She started saying, as I’m molesting Indigo’s face. ” You don’t know Indigo? You aint never met him before. Everybody knows him?” And as she watched me she became amused because I am the poster child of mystery, control and aloofness, to witness my wild and out of control behavior -seemed to be heart warming considering I could be an ice queen at times.

Nevertheless, the smile on my face from the complete bliss and joy I felt as soon as I saw him made him return the smile and I had him from that day forward. He was a wild boy and all the girls loved him. Guys used to say, “I don’t know why they love that black ass nigga!” He would have girls fighting and crying over him for years to come. Omg, thinking back,  two of his girlfriends came up to my school to beat my ass over him and that is the day that I learned what my father had meant by “You never know who your friends are to the shit goes down!”

I will tell you about that story another day. Did I tell you Quincy skin was dark chocolate and it looked like God had sealed his completion with lip gloss. Tall, dark and handsome Quincy had the most beautiful smile and the most perfectly placed white teeth. Which brings to mind, this French dude that levatated into my dance class, he had this hat on that was tilted and kind of crumpled on one side, he had on a pair of skinny jeans but not the kind that make you feel like he robbed your closet anyway he had on a complete outfit that reflected who he was. He was blue-black, he had dreads that were so meticulously done that fell past his shoulders, they were jet black and shiny.

When Solo one of the drummers stopped the class to introduce us to him. I looked around and that same enthusiasm that fell on me the day I met Indigo is the same stir that fell on all the ladies in the class yet they tried to contain and control themselves. I hated myself for not yelling, instead, I whisper what everybody was thinking, ” He is  FINE, he can get it!” and the half of the room I was standing on all responded with a” Ookaay!” He was so refined, sophisticated and when he opened his mouth and starting talking with his French accent I wanted to throw a shoe at him! The man looked like a sexy God. I just wanted to dobale right at his feet! Looking around the room, the women were touching their heads as if to say, what the hell am I looking like right now, if I knew we were having company I would have dressed better and combed my hair.

Anyway, he invited us all to a class he was teaching. I didn’t go on purpose for fear that I wouldn’t be able to contain myself! When I first saw Indigo I was too young to know to restrain myself, shit it wasn’t that often that I would get that excited so I refused to hide my feelings. I should have taken his class and given myself permission to be wild and out of control and I’m certain I wouldn’t  have been the only one. I should have enjoyed the way he made me feel knowing full way at any moment in time, he could disappear like so many black boys I had known growing up.

Indigo asked me to marry him when we became adults but with some regret I turned him down and I don’t think he’s ever forgiven me for it.

Poverty Pimping!

Hunter Sleeping with Deer Head


I recently found out about another diabolical organization clocked in helping and improving the lives of black women. The only thing going on in this nationally recognized organization is ” Poverty Pimping!” I got out of the social services game because I got tired of poverty pimping…..I spent most of my own salary caring for and making my clients’ goals a reality. I have watched over and over agency after agency non-profit after non-profit collect money for programs and leave their clients hanging.

I’ve watched owners and founders of organization collect money in the name of women and children and not want to spend a dime on services for them. Many of the poverty pimps have people in the community fooled as if they are good stewards, their reputation give them status… truth be told, they ain’t shit and it has been far too long that I have been silent about it. Many of these organizations pay fines for their violations yet they continue to get funding.

At the end of the day, you are impacting lives, it’s not like selling shoes, social services is supposed to be about making peoples’ lives better. They are no shortages of impoverished people, there will always be someone in need. The idea of keeping a person down so that you can receive money without providing something of value in return is ruthless! And the cold thing about it, is there are so many women at the head and helm of these organizations.

I usually check these folks personally hoping that their behavior would change but it doesn’t. The one thing that happens is that they usually hang themselves with their own greed but often times never enough to put them out of business. I worked for one agency that paid dawn near $70,000 in fines in 1 year. They were making so much money that the Program Manager lived in the Hollywood Hills next to A-list Hollywood stars.

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3 tips to stop bullying? and what’s wrong with the world?

Muthafuckas that don’t like themselves-is what is wrong with the world! I am not talking about the ones who have insecurities but can somehow find something that they like about themselves- that- they walk in the world with a form of confidence that they are able to navigate this world without fucking with people on “The Principal”- that they like themselves, the opposite is the cause of bullying.

Now hear me clearly, bullying is just not relegated to school campuses throughout the world, lest we not forget the “corporate “or  “the on the job bullying”- that goes on because, “muthafuckas” don’t like themselves or the proverbial, “She Thank She Cute!”-mindset-more like mental fuckin illness, the lowlife self-esteem of all the bitches who gave me hell, cause they asses wasn’t fortified at home. Now, I suffered some of the same injustices and abuses as many others but that Jhedi Mind Tricking Daddy of mine was like a drill sergeant in the Navy Seals, when it came to the social programing of, ” You better learn to like yourself, don’t come in here acting like nobody else, you betta learn to be your damself!” This indoctrination aint good in certain circles if you aint the complying kind of person.

Anyway, so I began to talk with another parent at my son’s school and she began to tell me how her daughter had been bullied at school for a long period of time. To make a long story short, she had to threaten the school administration with criminal and legal actions against the girl who had been bullying her daughter. Now juxtapose that to 2 rogue parents who entered the school and escaped administrative detection and went straight into their child’s class and confronted their child’s bully, I’m paraphrasing, “Keep fuckin wit mine and you gon git your ass beat!” Was it appropriate NO! But is was effective.

Had that been me, I would have called a meeting with school administration, explained my concerns, scheduled a later meeting with said bully’s parents, the teacher and the school administration. Once the final meeting took place, I would raise the issue of the said- bully being a victim of being bullied or abused himself in or out of the home, once all concerns and issues were addressed, whether through grittin my teeth or maybe outspokenly, depending on my state of mind that day, me and my Ex Husband, would tell the said bully parents, “yall can meet both of us outside in the parking lot and we can go fists to cuff” or we can go knuckle up and guard ya grill!……if they……… as parents…..couldn’t love they child enough to at least teach they chile to like one dam thing about themself that they aint got to be coming to school fucking wit other peoples’ kids……I’m just saying.

As a result, of the 2 factual scenarios, and my factual response to my hypothetical scernario…..October 20th through the 24th, 2014 is Anti-Bullying Week at my sons’ school.

We will discuss them grown ass ratbastards that come to work fucking wit everybody cuss they don’t like themselves!-Later