Category "Learning to say yes"

Can you fuck your way to having?

Denumbing the vagina-Kim Anami

Crystal Vibrators

Milk and Honey, wara ati fun oyin



Love will let nothing stop it from achieving its purpose-The Sacred Forest



Iya (EEyah)=Mother

Yeye (Yeah Yeah)=Mother

Baba (Baa-Baa)=Father



Wara ati fun oyin: Prayer for Love and Peace

Iya of Love- please let my cries be significant to your ears for you are the one who responds quickly and effectively so that prayers are answered. Yeye although my earthly mother forsakes me- I am certain I can find solace and a soothing place in your bosom- Iya. For you are the protector of the poor, the mother of all orphans. When my cries for love and nourishment are ignored by the woman who carried me in her womb may you bring me laughter, lightness and abundance. May I attract love joy and prosperity.  With each step that I take toward my destiny may honey drip from my feet as I dance resistance and obstinance into extinction and meet complete cooperation and always be met with words of, ” What would you like me to do for you!” Ase

Baba of Peace-make me clearheaded so my heart remains fearless and beats as if it were a dancing feather so that I will embody patience. May patience and I become friends, may we mirror each other like twins. Give me clarity so that wisdom remains with me throughout my journeys and so I will feel safe and secure. May I be witnessed as patience so that I may gain attention and favor! Ase

Place as much honey as you think you will need in a gallon, a pint, a quart, a cup of milk or however much you decide you need. Shake well. Be careful not to let the milk be too cold or else it will give you a headache when you pour it unto your head. Contain the drippings off your head and hair, place a plastic cap on your hair and wrap your head in white. You can wrap it in a towel, a t-shirt, or white cloth. Leave it on for minutes, hours or overnight! You decide. Rinse out. Shampoo and style as usual. (Be careful getting the liquid in the eyes because honey stings)





And the beat goes on

I’ve been listening to the radio for the past 2 days something I usually don’t do however we got to change things up and one song after the other especially from Drake sounds very Afrobeat . Imitation is not flattery that’s some bullshit they try to sell you so you can be ok with people stealing your shit and while I know blacks from America inspired Afrobeat  I would still prefer to hear artists from the continent on the radio so they get the credit and make the money they deserve.

By the way if you are in Los Angeles you can tune into Afrodicia.

I love you

Have you ever wrote a love letter to yourself? Write a love letter to yourself once a week until the Fall begins. Better yet until the end of the year. How many good things and feelings can you find in yourself. Buy a book of stamps that speak to you and mail the letters to yourself. Spray your favorite smell on your letter if you like. If you find it hard to begin start with the one thing people give you compliments on.  If you have eyes to see……. start there…… whenever you can begin, begin to find things you can write about to express your love for yourself.




Breakfast Parties


Everyday above ground is a good day-Mudda


Ya’ll know how I feel about the gym. And it’s been since last week that I turned up in my own livingroom, kitchen, diningroom, etc. I started breakfast dance parties where me and the little ones get our groove on while I make breakfast and clean up. We plug are phones into our speaakers and I teach the party is always where ever you are and you are the perfect reason to celebrate.

So enjoy!


Tall, Dark and Handsome


Woman Leaning Against Low Rider --- Image by © Sonja Pacho/Corbis

This post is dedicated to Quincy. I miss you so much sweetie. I can’t remember what age we were when Quincy got killed maybe it was 10th grade I would have to ask somebody. I used to love staring at Quincy, he excited me, Quincy knew how to make you feel good about yourself. He would say, ” Hey Lady!” whenever he greeted me. When Quincy spoke to you he spoke to your heart your spirit. Have you ever been kissed all over you face? That’s how he made you feel, soothed, safe, disarmed, calm and relaxed.

He had a remarkable sensuality where he would make you feel pretty, he would arouse you to be soft and light and growing up in the hood there were not many times where you could be feminine, you had to be hard just to stay alive. But those moments with Quincy made you feel alive, magnetic. When he complemented you it was from a genuine place you never felt like he was coming on to you. If he lived long enough I think he would have been attracted to older women because he was way too mature and wise for his age.

Thinking of the excitement Quincy inspirited in me reminds me of the day I first met and saw Indigo. Omg, he was black and he had the most beautiful teeth. I was literally yelling with excitement, ” You are so cute! you are so black!” At first he was looking at me like I was crazy because I was excited as a kid who is the one to hit and bust open the pinata at a party, you know how the kids scream and clamor wildly to get the candy, well that’s how excited I was.

I must have lost my mind with exhiliration because I touched his face with both of my hands, looking back I had completely violated the boy, did I ask him if it was ok to touch him , you already know the answer. As this was happening my best friend was looking at me in complete awe because I don’t like nobody. She started saying, as I’m molesting Indigo’s face. ” You don’t know Indigo? You aint never met him before. Everybody knows him?” And as she watched me she became amused because I am the poster child of mystery, control and aloofness, to witness my wild and out of control behavior -seemed to be heart warming considering I could be an ice queen at times.

Nevertheless, the smile on my face from the complete bliss and joy I felt as soon as I saw him made him return the smile and I had him from that day forward. He was a wild boy and all the girls loved him. Guys used to say, “I don’t know why they love that black ass nigga!” He would have girls fighting and crying over him for years to come. Omg, thinking back,  two of his girlfriends came up to my school to beat my ass over him and that is the day that I learned what my father had meant by “You never know who your friends are to the shit goes down!”

I will tell you about that story another day. Did I tell you Quincy skin was dark chocolate and it looked like God had sealed his completion with lip gloss. Tall, dark and handsome Quincy had the most beautiful smile and the most perfectly placed white teeth. Which brings to mind, this French dude that levatated into my dance class, he had this hat on that was tilted and kind of crumpled on one side, he had on a pair of skinny jeans but not the kind that make you feel like he robbed your closet anyway he had on a complete outfit that reflected who he was. He was blue-black, he had dreads that were so meticulously done that fell past his shoulders, they were jet black and shiny.

When Solo one of the drummers stopped the class to introduce us to him. I looked around and that same enthusiasm that fell on me the day I met Indigo is the same stir that fell on all the ladies in the class yet they tried to contain and control themselves. I hated myself for not yelling, instead, I whisper what everybody was thinking, ” He is  FINE, he can get it!” and the half of the room I was standing on all responded with a” Ookaay!” He was so refined, sophisticated and when he opened his mouth and starting talking with his French accent I wanted to throw a shoe at him! The man looked like a sexy God. I just wanted to dobale right at his feet! Looking around the room, the women were touching their heads as if to say, what the hell am I looking like right now, if I knew we were having company I would have dressed better and combed my hair.

Anyway, he invited us all to a class he was teaching. I didn’t go on purpose for fear that I wouldn’t be able to contain myself! When I first saw Indigo I was too young to know to restrain myself, shit it wasn’t that often that I would get that excited so I refused to hide my feelings. I should have taken his class and given myself permission to be wild and out of control and I’m certain I wouldn’t  have been the only one. I should have enjoyed the way he made me feel knowing full way at any moment in time, he could disappear like so many black boys I had known growing up.

Indigo asked me to marry him when we became adults but with some regret I turned him down and I don’t think he’s ever forgiven me for it.

How to learn from other people’s mistakes!


08 Mar 2015 --- Two young female dancers poised with arms raised on beach --- Image by © Sheri Neva/Corbis

Veronica Conway said and I’m paraphrasing ,” I  had to fire my own parents and told them they had to be sane to come back and when I heard her say that- I felt relieved because I had fired my own parents at one time and countless friends, actually a high number of them were mysteriously plucked or dumped out of my life-like a stealth bomber.

It was painful going from being married with children with friends I had since childhood to being estranged and fighting for my freedom through a divorce process that lasted 4 years and during those years, it seemed as if I did not really know any of the people  I had in my life. One of the most painful experiences is the level of betrayal I felt by the women I had befriended over the years, not to mention the greatest betrayal at the hands of my own mother.

Looking back- on it all -the one sure thing that all these women had in common including my own mother was that they were used to be mistreated. When I revisit conversations or time spent with these women it was mostly about commiserating on how badly they had been treated. Over and over again, the rehashed of past injustices and current injustices of the mistreatment we had endured became like a badge of honor and our bond of sisterhood and commonality was that we were all addicted to being treated like shit!

I remember feeling one day weeks after receiving a phone call from one of my then husbands side chicks asking me to have lunch with her as if we were going to become sister wives, there was a feeling from deep inside that rose out of me and I knew if I did not make a change I was going to die. The thing that pissed me off the most was that for years I had given my ex whatever he wanted and everything I did benefited him, I had set him up to win, I had made him a champion and I was like his own personal super hero yet he was incapable and unwilling to push me forward.

I had denied myself, had pushed my self down so that he could be bigger than life -my behavior mirrored the scene in the movie Coming to America, when the gorgeous Regina Bell’s character says, ” Whatever you like!” and eventually barks like a dog. So imagine the surprise he must have felt when after 20 some odd years I informed my then husband that the rules of engagement were in effect changing that things had always been about him, now they were going to be about me! Needless to say, my leaving for a 10 day vacation did not go over so well.

When I returned home, my Ex had changed the locks on our home resentful and enraged that he had to figure out how to care for our children while I was away not to mention his simple-minded sister through gas on flames told him that I must have been cheating on him. Imagine my dismay that my sister-in-law would excuse me of cheating when she in fact was the one cheating on her husband. I’m like-she got a lot of nerve!

My ex had done a piss poor ass job of providing for his family not because he was lazy or ever unemployed he was a financial fuck up and his families pathology to self destruct to the point of putting the entire family  in turmoil was ever present considering that no matter how successful they would become as my Baba, has so eloquently pointed out, ” A nigga aint satisfied unless his balls is in a vice grip!” The stupidity of both my sister-in-law and then husband gave further verification that it was the end. I shook my head when my Ex returned home finding me in the house.

Now while I have my flaws and imperfections-I am a practical woman who is able to use reason and logic and so for my then husband to believe I had left to cheat instead of acknowledging that I needed a break and some rest because I was on the verge of a nervous break down was a major insult! ” Do I look like somebody who gon be out searching for dick when I’m hungry and broke?” I said to myself. Even a bird got sense enough to throw her baby out of the nest to see if the male bird can catch it before she mates with him. Who you know fuckin on a growling stomach-it sure in the hell aint me!

So  when I finally got the chance to look my cheatin ass “Community Dick! ” husband in the face I had asked him why he would listen to anything his sister would have to say about me. I asked him, ” Do you think I would go all the way to Chicago for some dick and come back home with a wet pussy and empty pockets? Do you? Yo sister got time to be sucking another dude dick cuz she is taken care of by her husband, she aint wonting for shit. If I was out fucking and suckin I would have come up in this bitch with brand new furniture, my hair done with a brand new wardrobe, with a big ass purse full of money! I don came back in the same ragedy ass clothes I left with, wit lent in my pockets!”

Sad to say my fantasies of returning home being greeted by flowers and a bubble bath was busted by what would be the first betrayal by a woman I considered a friend my own sister-in-law. I contemplated snitchin on her to her husband giving him vivid details she had shared with me of how her and her lover had both planned to leave their spouses for each other. I didn’t say a word. Imma -let Karma -do what it do!

Chose your circle of support with women who are doing better than you in areas you need improving. Choose your circle of support with women who treat themselves good and who have cultivated healthy relationships with lovers, spouses, friends and families alike. Choose your circle of support with women who celebrate  life and who take good care of themselves. Choose your circle of support with women who believe life is working in support of them and not against them.

Please avoid at all cost creating and or maintaining circles of support with women who do not know how to be treated well.  If you enter a circle where 3 or more who got Pookies and countless stories about bad behavior that mirrors Jerry Springer Shows run don’t walk away from these women because if you stay and later decide that you no longer want to be in the “treat me like shit club!” they will be the very people who will try to keep you stifled!

You can lie, deny, make yourself small, go along to get along, push yourself and your feelings down for years to be in a relationship and at some point the real you is going to show up and people will not know what to do with you-so it’s  better to show up as your full real self that way you avoid the pain that I have endured!