Category "Lovingly Loving Men"

My contribution to sisterhood


Lips of a Woman with Golden Object --- Image by © Crisco/Corbis


The media machine is so powerful that even when you don’t want to engage or talk about celebrities or  trending subjects you’re almost forced to. I generally try to stay away from the topic of celebrities because a) they got enough money , b) I do not know them personally  and c) it aint my business and they got a right to privacy plus they shit and piss just like the common folks. But hear my clearly, I am sick of people talking about Amber Rose… if I hear one more person knock her or try to discredit her, I swear I am going to slap the shit out of somebody. And the new girl ” it girl” Cardi B is taking some bruises to. I’m sorry but the ability to make a man feel good is priceless and is a commodity.

Folks been bad mouthing and talking bout strippers like they aint shit, until some white chick got on Oprah and swagger jacked  the industry and made pole dancing a trend and a form of exercise…legitimizing it. Now everyday females wont a turn on the pole. It is now being deemed worthy of the status of an Olympic Sport but when Amber, Shanika and even Becky’s are in the club performing for men that aint shit but hoes?

The same way formally and classically trained dancers don’t get the respect they deserve but the Ratbastards in the exercise industry don swagger jacked  “Bar Work” and now there are bar classes (minus all the other elements of dance)  all over  major cities throughout the world. If we put shit where it goes aka tell the truth most if not all these women in these pole classes and bar classes are doing it to get a man or keep a man but somehow Amber Rose aint shit….she dont have no so-called real skills and or assets.. It’s cool to be in a pole class for your husband-to add spice to your relationship (side eye) but it aint cool to be on the pole making it rain for money to sustain your self as a woman.

Stripping and sucking dick to eat, be it a personal choice or a mandate does not negate their value or the value of their services. Rather than all this pussy policing, women especially need to take some notes because if more women would focus on their own feminine powers and the magic of their own pussies instead of hating on the next female, they would have more fulfilled lives. While I have not made the personal choice to strip, I do know strippers personally as well as professional prostitutes and what they all have in common is the ability to make a man feel good! Truth be told we all hoes, we either hoeing to keep our husbands or hoeing to feed our selves and our kids!

If you aint learned to leverage the power of your own pussy….too muthafuckin bad! But don’t take it out of the next female. For instance, not too long ago- I caught the attention of a younger gorgeous frequently sought after man who for whatever reason no woman in this particular circle could get his attention yet some how I did.  I wasn’t trying to get his attention I was simply being myself and a shit storm ensued as to how I was able to get his so-called undivided attention and devotion-I was even accused of throwing juju on the young lion. As if there isn’t a such thing as Mad Sex Appeal? Again more females should take notes from women who are naturally alluring! And all that bullshit about you caint turna hoe into a housewife it just that…..BULLSHIT!

If you ask me: What is one of my natural talents? It is Undeniable that I turn average dudes into superheros! I love a cute boy and have been boy crazy since I was a teenager, now hear me clearly there is a limit in what I will do for to get or keep a man…..I draw the line…….I aint taking penitentiary chances,  fighting another woman over a man is unlawful and against all my personal principles…… losing focus on my goals to keep a man, absolutely not. Do I believe in not being compensated for the value of my work” Fuck you-Pay ME!”

Again, I turn average dudes into superheroes. Case in point, I got a late night call from a male lover in high places saying that he had been unable to sleep for months after a business deal went south and I told him he didn’t need the investors who bailed on him that he could do it himself, he went on to explain that he would be up in the late night hours burning coals and that even his wife had not been able to motivate him they way that I had.

And with the most breathy excited whisper he told me, ” You have inspirational pussy!” Now mind you we have not be lovers for years, since he had gotten married I served as his clandestine advisor. He spoke so passionately saying whenever he thought of me, it motivated him to get things done to make his dreams come true.  He went on to elaborate on the specific words I had used and he began to explain the steps he had been taking. He had secretly taken action and his project was almost finished and would soon be ready to launch. Is he the only man calling to confess my words have impact that the strategies and tactics I had given him had worked successfully absolutely not!

As I begin, to recount these types of incidents have been happening for years. Recently after hosting an event and party, I was detained for a moment in order to express deep gratitude , as I was being dropped off at my car after hosting and catering to some diplomats, their liaison said, that he was so impressed with the ease of my domestic goddess skills and even more remarkable was the joy he said he felt from me as I anticipated their every need.

I simply told him, it was the way I was raised and since they were all such gentleman and neither of them were demanding I received great pleasure from waiting on them hand and foot. Little did he know that I had begun to master the art of hospitality, men and service by the time I was 4 years old. What I do know is my hospitality skills are unmatched and I seek no outside credibility to say without humbleness, I am one of the greatest when it comes to making a man feel good and motivating him to be a better man for himself and if another women benefits I feel it’s my contribution to sisterhood.

One of the luxuries that I have had is being the only girl and the advantage of being the only girl is not having anyone else to compete with now match that with being first. It’s been pretty easy to learn and understand men.  One of the good things in having been taught the art of men by my  father was not competing with other women so I wasn’t programmed to view other women as a threat. There was no need for comparisons because as my father so poetically would tell me, “She caint do what you can do and you can’t do what she can do so there’s no competition.” And without restraint he would continuously remind me, ” That every girl has a pussy regardless if she is cute or ugly!”


The art of conversation and an invitation in asking

Red Lips of Young Woman with Bottle of Water --- Image by © Crisco/Corbis

A closed mouth don’t get fed-New World African Proverb

When, I yelled, ” I want Penis Privileges, just like your sons, they don’t have to do shit to get anything from you!” My Baba looked at me as if I had 3 heads. “That’s right I don’t want to work for your support or love because they don’t have to!” My father just sat there and stared at me with his head stilted to the side in awe.

I have no idea what took me so long to have a conversation with my brother on how he gets things and the supports he needs from my father. I silently accepted that boys had more freedom than girls from a young age. While my brothers were not spoiled with certain things, I would have traded freedom for a hair salon trip in a heart beat.

Little by little,  my Baba had started to reveal all the things he had been doing for my brothers over the years and I was in complete shock because I would have never even thought to ask for those things, I would only ask for small things, hell let’s put shit where it goes, my ass only asked for crumbs and most times I had to beg for what I wanted and I for sure had to work off any thing my father did or gave me.

I almost became enraged when my brother said, he just hit his pocket when he needed financial help from my father. I asked him if he had to ask my father’s then live in girlfriend for permission to do anything in the house and his response was, ” Why the hell would I have to ask her for permission to do something in the house I grew up in?” That went over my head, so I asked, “Does Baba, say you have to go ask, L for permission to do XY and Z. His response was, ” Hell Naw, is that what he makes you do?” I responded, ” Absolutely, every time!” My brother laughed and said, ‘that’s some bullshit!”

I wanted to behold their sacred dance of asking and receiving and as if  I were a a fly on the wall I watched the child of Oshun hit the side pocket of his cargo pants 3 times and then stuck his hand out without saying a word. My eyes got huge as I witnessed my Baba reach in his pocket and say with ease and no hesitation, ” How much do you need?” My mouth fell open and I almost fainted because he gave the amount and my father gave him more than what he asked for and after he handed my brother the money he said, ” Get your sister something to.”

My brother grinned like an 8 year old kid when he handed me some money, he let out a big Ha and said, “it’s just that easy every time.” I was in complete awe of my brother and bewildered at the same time because it had not ever been that easy to get anything from my Baba. The only thing that soothed me that night was the long wonderful kiss I got from Reggie…. my brother sat there staring at both of us, while a group of guys behind us chanted, “Dam Reg!”

I was going about getting what I wanted all wrong. Now don’t get me wrong I could always go to my father for advise, he knew most of my personal secrets but when it came to me getting something tangible or my father’s time and attention I had to work for it, I had to earn it and I was held accountable for everything I did. I felt like my father had raised me like a boy and my brothers like girls….. fyi, my brothers are not feminine or girly men, they just were not taught that they had to work for love and they were allowed their personal freedoms.

I figured if I couldn’t beat them I was going to join them and thus started my declaration to my Baba…..” I want Penis Privileges!” I can laugh now at the expression on my Baba’s face because for a minute he may have thought I was transgendering, but what I was really doing-was giving notice that the rules of engagement were changing and no longer was I willing to work  for my father’s love, support or time.

It wasn’t all my Baba’s fault I should have been able to set clear boundaries of acceptable behavior from my own father once I became an adult. More importantly,  I wrongly assumed my brothers had to work to earn love, respect and time with my father. They did not and it wasn’t until I asked them both how they got what they wanted from our father that our relationship began to change.  Has it been easy for my Baba to change to treat me better and differently no, however he has shown me over and over again he is committed to having a happy reciprocal relationship with his only daughter and I am truly grateful.

Adupe Baba