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I love being a girl!

 

I gleefully say Good Bye…..Odabo to the year 2016. All year I have felt like I my mode of transportation has been on the back of a tortoise. It has been a year filled with many frustrations and seemingly slows starts, many stops and snail pace movements no matter how I have desired or even pushed to make things move faster, things just kept happening at a super slow dawn near not moving pace.

And in this slow pace I got to address some issues and relationships. And so I dove deep. I was warned many times over that I had to eliminate superficial relationships that I would need to develop and go deeper in my relating to people in my life. I could no longer sit on the surface and hide my true feelings.

And so I have unnerved and unraveled, untangled, dismantled, and tangled some of my relationships with others. I have bruised some egos by demanding that men honor their words and the one thing that I have been unrelenting in is getting the men in my life to understand how they treat women will visit their daughters. That with each mistreat of someone else’s daughter, sister, mother, cousin and friend, the karma will be visited to the women in these men lives who are careless in the treatment of women.

You can rest assure that it will reach your front door to devour your own daughters as you have devoured other men’s daughters! And as I warn men I am reminded in my reclaiming of myself………. that I Love Being a Girl!

I am not standing in line to spend time with anybody!

 

 

I have an extremely busy Man Friend named Jay who is a Director and Producer in Hollywood; whose schedule is mad crazy and busy. He is constantly traveling all over the nation and world for business and pleasure. Although he is very busy, at some point and time I let him know that it was important to me that he make time for our relationship. I was patient in the beginning of our friendship when he allowed his schedule to dictate rather or not we spent time together.

 

I told him at some point I understood his hectic schedule, however if we were going to continue to be friends then we would have to work something out amongst ourselves that fully met the needs of us both.And so we started scheduling dates and times when we would have conversations. Depending on how long it had been since we had spoken on the phone our conversations would be scheduled for 30 minutes to an hour.

 

At first it seemed odd to schedule a date and time to dialogue with a friend, however after time, it became easy and I looked forward to talking to him. In between our scheduled talks we began setting face to face dates in advance. Opening up may calendar and blocking off time with Jay began to make me feel special and our time together is always fun and relaxing even though we are not in a romantic relationship.

 

When I made the declaration that I wanted to have a give and take relationship and that him being present was a requirement in order for our friendship to blossom.  I let him know that I needed to talk to him and spend time with him and while I understood his schedule was busy……I refused to accept it as an excuse as to why we could not talk and spend time together. Once I made the declaration, he asked me to get my calendar out and we planned our first scheduled conversation and our first scheduled lunch date where I agreed to have lunch with him at his desk and from there things have taken off!

 

Again planning a telephone conversation seems odd at first however over time it becomes fun and relaxing, it gives us time to miss each other so when we do talk it’s effortless. And when we schedule face to face meetings each time we see each it’s always at a new and different location and we reveal more and more of ourselves because it feels safe! ” You either have results or excuses!”, says Veronica Conway. And she is correct! Ask for what you want and need in any relationship be it romantic, friendship or family. And if a date, time and place are not set rather it is made in the future or the spot than you run the risk of not getting what you want or need.

 

I am not waiting in line to spend time with anybody….I don’t give a fuck who they are….. mama, daddy, brother, sister, cousin, friend or lover….. From time to time I like to share the pick up artist  and Iceberg Slim chicanery because dudes be winning! So why settle on waiting and losing, when you can write your own rules!

 

 

Declarations & Jill Scott’s songs in action

 

 

” I miss you, I miss what we used to do together and you need to do something about it!” My friend and I chuckled over this declaration from her once long-time turned twice a year lover.

We were tickled because he had grown leaps and bounds in being able to express any vulnerable feeling. So although, he had miles to go his declaration had shown growth however, he still wanted her to do most of the work in the relationship.

It seems during their conversation that he finally had a moment of awareness. He suddenly became aware that their relationship had changed drastically and that she was no longer engaged to the level she once was. Primarily because he didn’t respond well to love and after being hurt and over worked and him refusing to listen or to take accountability or be impeccable in practice-she became one of Jill Scott’s songs in action.

 

I give my good girlfriend credit because never did she put any demands on him, she genuinely loved him unconditionally however over time she tried to extinguish some bad behaviors and after being unwilling (as my soul sister Veronica Conway and I live by)  to design to create solutions that fully meet the needs of everyone in the relationship leaves you no other choice but to change the rules of engagement!

My friend- made a declaration, definitively asked for what she wanted from him and left the relationship because her wisdom and prudence knew she would never get what she wanted if she was willing to accept less than what she required and needed. She slowly and gradually ended contact with her lover so that she would not trigger his abandonment issues.

In conclusion, what Ms. Ballard said rings true, ” What you don’t like today you will love tomorrow!”

 

 

Make a declaration and get some business

 

 

I wasn’t able to write my usual post yesterday because I was so exhausted that I slept from the late afternoon throughout the entire night and I woke up early this morning, hoping that the person who had stolen all of my energy the day before would heed my requests.

As a woman of a certain age, I have grown in many ways and I generally like to stay on the side of diplomacy and since I’ve learned over time that I did not necessarily attach to my primary caregiver, it gave me strength in being perceptive.

Because I have never really been a child even during my chronological childhood ages I can easily see and understand things from other people’s perspective even if I do not agree with them.

Nevertheless, I allowed my perception of what and who I knew I was dealing with to continually give someone passes for their behavior because I felt they were young and I  knew they were immature.

So after drawing a line and the person crossing it and successfully pushing my buttons, making my pressure rise. I had to disengage because I did not want my behavior to escalate and I did not want to begin to behavior the way- they had grown accustomed to their mother acting. Subsequently, I had to regain my composure because after all I had drawn a line in the sand!

And once I draw a line in the sand and you cross it, it’s consequence time. Now early in life after giving a male the benefit of the doubt and a number of passes of human behavior I would have to put my foot down and make a declaration.

See once you set the stage to being loving kind and supportive towards a male (or a human being) he gets accustomed to it even if he cannot appreciate it at first. And once they start popping their collars on your ass too much you drop the declaration statement on their ass with new standards and requirements and you tell them do not return until you have accomplished everything.

Now hear me clearly they may try to come back before meeting all the requirements and you must say, “good job but you have not met all the requirements so do not return until you do”. And do not talk to their ass again until they have met the standard. Until then get you some business, get you a new starter and or a starting line up and put them in heavy rotation, enjoy your life and have fun.

Now it may take some time for them to meet the requirements however I have not met a man who has not come back with the required results. Although, if times have changed I may not be available- however there is nothing to fret because all of the requirements met will result in character development.

 

Stand up in it!

 

 

Put people and shit where they go-Me

I can’t stand good lying muthafuckas. Once you get grown grown your tolerance for bullshit wanes. Let me stop bullshitting I ain’t never really been able to tolerate or stomach bullshit cause you can’t never solve shit if muthafuckas lying.

Now I said, all that to say the best way to get more pussy and quality pussy at that is to tell the fucking truth. Grown ass men lying and telling females what they want to hear in order to get pussy is egregious!

Ain’t nothing sexier and more confident than a man who can put shit where it goes tell you what time it is and still be able to treat you right. Ain’t nothing worse than a nigga whose always out to get “Sympathy Pussy!”

Ain’t nothing better than when a Man can stand up in it! So tell the truth and who ever caint handle it …….will make room for those who can!

 

 

 

African Booty Scratcher

One of my grandmothers’ favorite sayings was, ” People don’t believe fat meat is greasy and shit stank!” And she was right. So as I sat and watched the most recent episode of Queen Sugar and during one of the scenes one of the characters does something with Oshun to help her sister. I say ” something” with complete sarcasm because I am not sure what she was doing…..I can gleam what her intentions were however with the prevailing rise in people now embracing the Yoruba culture often too many times it is displayed in a disrespectful or romantic manner within the media. And the newly acquainted are spreading and teaching things that can be detrimental and cause much dissolutions  further down the line.

The hailing of the Orishas in association with Beyoncé’s Lemonade seems to have created a momentum that is spreading like wild fires the same way these African printed skirts are trending. Being African is not a trend and to treat the Orisha’s as if they are a trend is dangerous! Growing up and being born and raised in the African Yoruba tradition I am reminded of just how unpopular, ugly and evil being African was so for it to be trendy now gives pause for the cause. When I think of how many times myself, my siblings and my cousins were teased and called ” African Booty Scratchers!” , we’d be rich Eventually we had to taper down on wearing African clothing just to try and semi fit in. As usual, I digress. So as I see folks jumping onto the band wagon a day late a dollar short I would like to give a word to the wise.

Rather you’re from the Conga, Nigeria, Senegal, Cuba or any place else, rituals and practices can vary however the one thing that is consistent is that the spirit whelm is nothing to play with or play in. I’ve been reading so much shit, folks activating and invoking deities and entities from different cultures simultaneously, doing candle work and getting divination at the same time, practicing spells, just plain olé fuckery.

African Spirituality is foremost about character building and family. It’s not passive, there is no finger pointing and blaming. There is no such thing as, ” the devil made me do it!” And ain’t nobody coming to save you! You can get help and assistance however you are going to have to do work and put in work. It ain’t magic however you can have some magical moments. But hear me clearly, it is about Give and Take! Reciprocity!

You start asking, calling down and taking you better be ready to give. The Orishas’ are not lucky rabbits foot or genie’s. They have positive characteristics and negative characteristics. They are not just all good and light. Too much light can kill you, this is why we have night and day! If you coming you better be ready and coming to do work cuz they ain’t playing, although they can be playful and fun.

One of the primary reasons I am writing this post is because I see way too many mentally ill people embracing this culture causing harm and devastation to themselves and others. This culture is not for the weak minded or faint of heart because so many things will happen to you that will test your character that if your mind ain’t right-you in trouble. Too many are coming to become followers, allowing people to lead them without using their own minds/head. We each have our own destiny and no matter what you prescribe to- just know……….. You were not born on a bad day and that you are good enough!

 

How does math and numbers relate to LOSING?

Today parents are way more fucked up than previous generations. Take ‘Play Dates’, for example, back in the day your kids going to spend time with another kid and their family meant that you got the chance to have time to yourself, it was free daycare, a time of respite for mothers. How do you fuck that up? Easy!……. by feeling the need to entertain another mother just so kids can play together.??? The Old Heads had it right!

I’m dropping my kid off for the allotted time and I am going to go enjoy myself and in return you can do the same at a later date but am I going to give up my free time and adult fun to hangout with you and your kid, hell naw because your invitation may be my only chance for free time if I haven’t been savvy enough to make sure I stay at the top of the food chain!

The fucking cuddling, over doing and giving to children does not prepare children for real life. The everybody gets a trophy, everybody is a winner approach is complete bullshit and getting a trophy after you have clearly lost does not take the pain and sting out of losing because LOSING FUCKIN SUCKS!!!!! I hate trophies, I hate certificates and I hate titles because they do not have any real meaningful value for ME!

Did it ever occur to reward people with things that have real meaning and value to them? You can give the person who likes a trophy a trophy and me a check……I can do something with a check and not a trophy but I digress! Giving trophies even in the face of Losing just makes children delusional! And because so many of us have not been taught how to WIN, we in turn do not know how to teach our own children to WIN!! In real life you will experience  victories and failures and they are both equally important.

The problem comes when we experience way more losing than winning, way more failures than successes ……….So how does being afraid of math and numbers relate to losing??? Somewhere along the line we get scared of Math and Numbers, somehow they become like monsters in the closet, they become things that you don’t want to look at. The truth is -Math- is the truth and numbers don’t lie however, people can and will manipulate numbers in favor for their own personal outcomes. If you have been Losing consistently for long periods of times it’s time to look at the Numbers.

50 YEARS IS JUST 2,500  WEEKENDS!!!!!!!

50 YEARS IS JUST 2,500 WEEKENDS!!!!!!!

50 YEARS IS JUST 2,500 WEEKENDS!!!!!!! 

With this reality and number in mind do we have time to be people pleasing, do we have time to be auditioning for roles and parts that we do not want, do we have time to keep doing and giving with little to no returns on our investments?? Now I found this video and if you are a female I want you to be open to consider applying whatever you think resonates with you. Although it may appear- at first he is speaking from a male perspective. However, if you actively listen……he is speaking from a human perspective.

How you became a Loser Magnet!

Have you ever been on a job and you did most of the work and as a result,  the company exceeded all their bottom line goals. The Sales Team and Managers all received bonuses each time goals were met. He’ll you even worked so hard your work helped get one sales person in your department the Employee of the Year Award with an all exclusive paid trip to New York City with a week stay at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel. And after a year or more of exceeding sales goals from your supporting role they call you in the office and tell you-you didn’t do shit and offer you a .14 cent raise. What would you do?

When I think of this and many other times that black women do more than everybody but seldom reap the benefits-I wonder how Venus and Serena Williams feel when they changed the game and the look of tennis, looking juicy and fabulous while they whooped everybody asses only to watch  Losers being compensated handsomely while Venus and Serena monetary compensations, the respect and admiration for their skills are met with the same shit many black females receive from over working and outperforming all the while looking like they stepped off the pages of Vanity Africa only to be brought into offices to receive  bad reviews, no respect and poor compensation while everybody else stay winning off her hard work.  Never in the history of tennis and fashion have more money been made than when these two sisters took over but they might as well had been offering the Williams sisters the same funky ass .14 cents they offered my girl.

My entire life I had been socialized that I had to be 2 times better than white girls, that I had to work twice as hard as white girls to even be considered for the same opportunities and while I had to be better than white folks I also had to serve black men and the community as a moral obligation to the race. Well after out working and outperforming all the white folks on my jobs (both male & female) and after having become an Olympic Gold Medalist Servant. Yes you heard that right if they had an Olympics for serving and catering to muthafuckas I would be a world renown champion 10 times over!

Now hear me clearly no matter how well I was trained to serve I draw the line, I ain’t co-signing for shit, putting a negro through school, paying child support for a dude, I ain’t paying a negroes rent or mortgage, I ain’t buying a negro a car or other outlandish things women do for men that are not their husbands (When I was 19 I let my boyfriend who later became my husband, yes please give me the side eye drive my car and that negro was picking up girls and taking them on dates) Contrary to popular belief, the Hood has value-some lessons you learn growing up in the hood you ain’t gone git nowhere else that are worth their weight in gold!

The day I saw Terry drop them dawn kids of her off on the curb wit they clothes in trash bags with the warm embrace and smile from their father as she peeled off hitting the corner on two tires I learned then that ain’t nobody gone give you a break you got to get it yourself without asking for permission cause people like to keep you in position where you constantly losing and they winning!

With this in mind, I  have been trying to find a transformational resource for women who suffer from being a Nice Girl, stuck in the Good Girl Complex not having fun, not getting what they want. He’ll not even being aware of what they want besides the things society tells a woman she should want or need.  I wanted to find a resource for women who languished in deprivation who had been socialized to worship men and take care of men often times getting nothing in return but heartache, headaches, and lowered  self-esteem!  I wanted to find an aunt who had lived long enough who would finally tell the truth so that we could finally- be winning since most females are kept in their places only to be taught how to be loser magnets by their own mothers, other women and their family members!