Tag "cinderella-complex"

The 1st step toward having!

 

“Women (…) have been encouraged since they were children to be dependent to an unhealthy degree. Any woman who looks within knows that she was never trained to be comfortable with the idea of taking care of herself, standing up for herself, asserting herself. At best she may have played the game of independence, inwardly envying the boys (and later the men) because they seemed so naturally self-sufficient.

It is not nature that bestows this self-sufficiency on men; it’s training. Males are educated for independence from the day they are born. Just as systematically, women are taught that they have an out – that someday, in some way, they are going to be saved. That is the fairy tale, the life-message (…) We may venture out on our own for a while. We may go away to school, work, travel; we may even make good money, but underneath it all there is a finite quality to our feelings about independence. Only hang on long enough, the childhood story goes, and someday someone will come along to rescue you from the anxiety of authentic living. (The only savior the boy learns about is himself.)”
Colette Dowling, The Cinderella Complex: Women’s Hidden Fear of Independence

 

 

 

Why are women so fearful? The answer to that question lies at the root of The Cinderella Complex. (…) Many women achieve a certain amount of success in their careers and professions and still remain inwardly insecure. In fact (…), it’s remarkable how many women these days retain a hidden core of self doubt while performing on the outside as if they were towers of confidence. (…)
Lack of confidence seems to follow us from childhood (…) No matter how fiercely we try to live like adults – flexible, powerful and free – that girl-child hangs on (…). The effects of such insecurity are widespread, and they result in a disturbing social phenomenon: women in general tend to function well below the level of their native abilities. For reasons that are both cultural and psychological – a system that doesn’t really expect a great deal from us, in combination with our own personal fears of standing up and facing the world – women are keeping themselves down.
Colette Dowling, The Cinderella Complex: Women’s Hidden Fear of Independence